Walking in my shoes...

Just because you see who I am now does not mean my walk through life was easy.

At age 5 I developed anxiety.  I ate rolaids like candy,  I was diagnosed with A.D.D. and had a hard time with school work and jobs because of that.  Still to this day I struggle with it.

At age 8 I struggled with irrational fear and how my body worked.  I couldn't understand how my eyes didn't fall out.  I was worried that my nails would grow completely off.  Weird things like that.  I was afraid of the drain in the tub... mainly because my sister told me I would go down it and never see my parents again.  I never picked my nose cause I was told the boogers would eat my finger off.  I thought there was two men in my closet just waiting for me to be alone so they could kidnap me and take me back into the closet and I would never get out again.... The struggle is real for kids....

At 15 I suffered a firework accident and lost my sight in my right eye for 3 days.  1/4 inch over and I would have lost it permanently.

At 16, I was in a bad wreck with my mom.. we were hit by a drunk driver that slammed us hard the first time spinning us around and then she tried to flee the accident and hit us a few more times.  I suffered whiplash and have had on going issues of that for decades.

At 20 I  married a drug dealer.  (unknowingly)  I left a law student for this guy!  (Face palm).

At 21 I kicked drug dealer out when I was 5 months pregnant & divorced him.  He went to prison and was there for years off and on until recently I believe. 

At 22 I had my first baby (from the drug dealer)  He was born at an Indian hospital and the next day his dad came to see him  and brought his girlfriend.  Seriously. He never had anything to do with my son and didn't pay child support. I moved into a low rent duplex paying $30 a month for rent and worked in a town 32 miles away driving to get there in a car that was not good enough to be in a junk yard.  Many times I had to call for rides and often had to walk a mile to get my clothes out of the laundry mat before they closed.  I had a ton of great friends so those years are really some of my fondest!

At 23 I married an abusive alcoholic who was also a cheater.

At 24 I had a baby with abusive alcoholic

At 25 I divorced abusive alcoholic and moved to a town 6 hours from my parents just to get away from him because he would always hunt me down.  I had two children ages 1 and 3.  HE followed me. But my brother showed up at his house with a gun and the D.A. and convinced him to move back to Lawton. lol

At age 25-29 I was a single mom working as a secretary in a CPA office and managing Apartments, sometimes painting an entire 2 bedroom apartment by myself, cleaning the kitchen, shampooing the rugs.   It was too much for me with two small kids so I started to work at a daycare center and moved to a house but rarely made enough to cover rent, let alone the utilities.   I was on food stamps, childcare assistance  and Medicare.  I quit working in the daycare when they left my 3 year old daughter in a room by herself  with her nose in the corner while they went to a park across the street.  Completely forgot about her.

Several families moved their kids to my home and I started watching kids in my home in 1992.  I got off all help from the government  made enough to pay my bill and buy a new car!  I was able to be a stay at home hands on mom.   

In 1994, one of my daycare dads worked with "this guy" he wanted to set me up with... so I had a blind date, married him, and had baby.  Another one of my daycare dads said... "Raven if I knew you were looking for a husband I would have asked you out on a date! " lol  We are friends to this day!

We raised all the kids in a great gingerbread two story old home with a full front porch that had a separate daycare room and it was a blast!  I watched kids in my home for 7 years. I was the provider, the cook the accountant... Hosted happy hour with my families every friday after work... Because I kept the same kids for years and we were all friends.  I had two root canals 3 wisdom teeth pulled and had a baby.  Only missing 17 days!

In 1999 I bought out a church daycare owned by Oklahoma State House of Representatives Gus Blackwell and his wife,  and moved it into a house  I bought on Main street in Guymon.  We remodeled it and opened it in 3 months.  I owned that for 11 years.

In 2007 I fought with Empty Nest and literally painted all my rooms in my house a dark color... even one was black! 

In 2010 I sold that daycare in 7 days over Facebook making a large profit and moved to Yukon to raise my youngest son in a more diverse school system.  I was suppose to be retired.... It lasted 3 months and I went to work at Gods Little Blessings.  That was a great ran center!  It made me miss mine. 

Missing the hands on with my last kid I started to work for the Yukon school system for 2 years and when I was approached by my builder about building me a center.... I jumped on it, against my husbands advice.... and opened my center in 2013. 

Now I get to work with my family and see my grandbabies every day!  Hopefully I will retire in the next 10 years and get to spend time at home and enjoy all the things I have worked so hard for. 

Worms in my purse

It’s ok to find yourself on a different path then you expected.  To not be the cool hip person you thought you where destined to be.  Other wise, I would still be digging up worms and keeping them in my purse. 

No I was not a weird kid...  My dad was a fishermen and bought worms to bait his trot lines.  I thought if I dug them up at recess I could sell them to him and make a little dough on the side.  But my bait business when south when my mother found I was stashing the worms with mud in my black patent church purse. (That's another story...)

Anyway, I hear it all the time..."I didn't use to do that", or "I didn't use to feel that way" or "this is not where I pictured myself at this age."  ... Well good!  If your 54 and still relating to your 16 year old self you have some serious problems, cookie!

When you're in your 30's, reality usually hits.  It says... "Yeah... This is your life!  And this is what it looks like!?"  And you think, but I'm not a movie star or married to a rich person or live in a 4 story barbie dream house with 32 rooms and a maid.  Instead you have 3  kids, all your moms old furniture, bills and a broken car with 7 loads of laundry still not done, spoiled milk in the fridge,  and no time to go shopping!

It's not just our bodies that change. Our minds, our attitudes, our beliefs...all change. We are constantly becoming who we are meant to be.  I use to stay up all night and still be able to function the next day.  I can't do that anymore.  Hell..... I use to be able to dance for 3 or 4 hours a night and now I get winded dancing to one song in my car! ( I'm totally out of shape.)

Sometimes I look forward to coming home and getting in bed  by 7:00 to watch tv for the evening! ( I hear its a common thing. )   But it doesn't have to be a bad thing.  And somehow I have really enjoyed the life of being a mom and having a job and just being a normal person with a normal life!  I'm okay with this path. 

The Czech Fest 2019

We took the cousins to the carnival last night and we had a blast!  The bigger kids  are the only ones that got to ride things, but I think the little kids liked being part of the lights.This is the first year that All but Sammi went to a carnival and even Benji rode the rides and he is our cautious one!  I could hear the screaming on the little dragon roller coaster from all of them!  I love spending time with my growing little family.

Jealousy...... I see you