My Husband’s Good Intentions

My husband has always been good about helping around the house. He’s not one to sit around watching television while I’m working. In fact, I honestly think he looks forward to the days I disappear into my crafts because it gives him a chance to catch up on his shows without feeling like he should be doing something productive. But there is one household chore he does that I find absolutely fascinating.

Unloading the dishwasher.

Now, Dennis will unload that dishwasher without being asked. And I appreciate that. But here’s the interesting part. He doesn’t actually put anything away! The silverware? Sure. It makes it into a drawer. Not necessarily the correct spot in the drawer, but close enough. Everything else? Well, apparently Dennis has developed his own organizational system. He simply places each item somewhere in the general geographic area of where it belongs.

Pots and pans go in the drawer beneath the stove, so naturally, he puts them ON the stove. Tupperware belongs in the cabinet, so he stacks it on the counter NEXT to the cabinet. Plates, bowls, glasses? All strategically positioned near their respective homes, and somehow, even the dishes we rarely use manage to find their way to the counter near the cabinet where they’re stored. It’s actually impressive. He knows exactly which cabinet everything belongs in. He just refuses to take that final step of opening the door!

So today, curiosity finally got the better of me. I asked, 

“Dennis, if you’re going to unload the dishwasher, why don’t you just open the cabinets and put everything away?” 

His answer? “I don’t know where it goes.”

Blank stare. I’m standing there trying to process this information.

“You USE these bowls. You USE these plates. You USE these glasses. You know exactly where you got them! The cabinets haven’t moved between the time you took them out and the time you washed them!”

But apparently, in Dennis’s world, getting something within three feet of its destination counts as putting it away. And you know what? After more than 30 years of marriage, I’m beginning to think he might be onto something.

We’re getting ready to build a new house, and I believe I’ve just discovered a fantastic way to save money. Forget the kitchen cabinets! Apparently, all we need are countertops, because according to Dennis, close enough IS put away.

And just think of all the money we’ll save! 😂

An Empty Nest Doesn't Mean an Empty Life

I've never really understood why becoming an empty nester is supposed to mean you're suddenly lost without your children at home. Don't get me wrong, I understand missing them! I was one of those mothers who was involved in just about everything my kids did, and I wouldn't change a thing.

I was the mom making dinner for the team, stressing over tryouts, running forgotten homework up to school, and sitting through football games four nights a week. I hosted slumber parties and attended everything from dance recitals and school plays to basketball games and chili cook-offs. If my kids were involved, chances are I was there. And I loved it!

For years, their schedules were my schedules, their excitement was my excitement, and their disappointments sometimes hurt me more than they hurt them. Being a mother was the biggest part of my life, and I wouldn't trade those years for anything.

So I understand why some mothers struggle when that part of life changes. You spend years knowing exactly where everybody needs to be and what they need from you, and then suddenly nobody needs a ride, a permission slip signed, or you sitting in the bleachers cheering them on. You finally have time for yourself, and you aren't quite sure what to do with it!

But I've never believed that having an empty nest means having an empty life. I didn't spend all those years being an involved mother just to decide my job was finished when my children grew up. Motherhood doesn't end. It simply changes, and becoming a grandmother has been one of the best parts of that change.

Now I get to watch my children raise children of their own. I see their personalities, expressions, and sometimes even their attitudes showing up in my grandchildren. LOL! I get to enjoy the birthdays, school programs, holidays, and sleepovers all over again, only this time from a different seat. And thankfully, I'm not responsible for getting everybody to school on time!

Of course, there's a difference between staying involved and trying to control your grown children's lives. They have their own homes, responsibilities, and ways of raising their children. I don't expect to make their decisions. I just want us to continue enjoying being part of each other's lives, whether that's a Sunday dinner, a holiday, or an ordinary afternoon together.

And while I sometimes miss those crazy, busy years, I also enjoy the freedom that comes with this stage of life. I can spend time with my husband, enjoy my hobbies, make plans without checking four different schedules, and occasionally do absolutely nothing without somebody hollering, "Mom!"

Would I love to go back and relive some of those moments? Absolutely! Would I want to start all over and raise four children again? Not a chance! I've done my time! LOL!

I think sometimes we get so caught up in missing who our children used to be that we forget to appreciate who they've become. I raised mine to be independent adults with lives and families of their own. That's something to be proud of, not something to mourn.

I don't need to be the center of their world anymore. I just want to remain a meaningful part of it. My nest might be empty, but my family certainly isn't. It's just gotten bigger!

Government Assistance Needs an Expiration Date

I think Oklahoma DHS needs to put time limits on government assistance!

Take childcare, for example. Give parents five or six years of assistance. Total. If you have children during that time, they’re covered within that timeline. After those five or six years, you’re responsible for the cost. Having another baby shouldn’t start the clock all over again.

Require parents to work full-time or going to school full time to qualify, with reasonable exceptions. If you lose your job, you have 30 days to find another one before your assistance ends. Once you’re employed again, you can reapply based on your new income and pick up where you left off on your allotted time.

I’d do the same with food stamps and other assistance programs. Set limits! Your clock starts when you begin receiving benefits, pauses when you’re no longer using them, and runs out when you’ve used your allotted time.

I’m all for helping people get on their feet, but I don’t believe having more children should automatically extend government assistance indefinitely. People also need to learn to live within their means! Sometimes that means making sacrifices instead of expecting someone else to cover their necessities.

Set limits. Raise the qualifications. Hold people accountable. And help the ones who are actually helping themselves!

Government assistance should be a hand up, not a way of life.

Insignificant Thoughts : Maybe I’m Not a City Girl or a Country Girl

Insignificant Thoughts : Maybe I’m Not a City Girl or a Country Girl: I’ve discovered something about myself lately, and it only took me 61 years to figure it out. Imagine that! During my last year of working, ...

A Message To The Masses - Welcome to the workforce!

I’m going to tell you something. If you quit every job because there’s somebody there you don’t like, you’re going to have a hard time staying anywhere long enough to build a career, much less retire! I don’t know where people got the idea that they’re supposed to like everybody they work with. You’re going to work, not auditioning for a new group of best friends!

No matter where you work, there’s probably going to be somebody who gets on your last nerve. Somebody who thinks they know everything, somebody who doesn’t do a dang thing, and somebody whose mere presence makes you question your ability to stay out of prison. Welcome to the workforce!

You don’t have to like everybody, eat lunch with them, or invite them to your house. You just have to be professional and do your job. And just because you don’t like somebody doesn’t mean they aren’t good at theirs. I’ve known people I wouldn’t want to be stuck in an elevator with, but I’d hire them in a heartbeat.

Now, I’m not talking about abuse, harassment, bullying, or a genuinely toxic workplace. Nobody should have to tolerate that, and sometimes leaving is absolutely the right decision. I’m talking about quitting because Karen in accounting has an attitude, Susan thinks she’s the boss, or Bob chews his lunch like a cow working on its third stomach.

Come on! If everybody quit their job every time somebody irritated them, the entire country would be unemployed by Wednesday!

Part of being an adult is knowing which battles are worth fighting. Sometimes you address the problem, sometimes you set boundaries, and sometimes you just let things go. And here’s a little secret… everybody isn’t going to like YOU either! I know! Shocking!

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a better job or a workplace where you’re respected. But if you’re leaving simply because somebody gets on your nerves, remember there’s another Karen, Susan, or Bob waiting at the next job. Different faces, same nonsense. And if you have a problem with somebody at every single job you’ve ever had, you might want to consider one little possibility. Maybe you’re not surrounded by difficult people. Maybe YOU’RE the difficult person everybody else is having to learn to deal with!