Life Choices

Yesterday, I was talking to my mother about an old friend of mine and her circumstances.  How her life has turned out.  I am always feeling sorry for her and trying to motivate her to make better choices when my mother said something deep and profound to me that got me to thinking. 

"You started out even."

Oh I have no doubt my friend would disagree, it still doesn't mean it's not a true statement to a degree.

We both started out young & living with  our parents.

We both had parents that where NOT wealthy.

We both had access to extended family.

We started out with a public education from school and a chance to go to college, which she did and I didn't. (until later)

We started out with minimum wage jobs, with shitty boyfriends, with our own cars, and with our health.

When my mom said "you started out even" it made me stop and think... did we? My friend always thinks I had it easier.  Easier?  Maybe... but better?  Lets compare:

I had two parents that were both working... 

    she had two parents, only one was working. But that meant she had a mom that was at home and cooking and cleaning and there to take care of her.  My mom worked and I cooked dinner about 3 nights a week for my dad. 

My parents that did not drink.  

    Her parents drank.

We both had siblings. Hers was younger.  Mine were older and not at home any longer... Plus I had nieces and nephews.

I had parents that I could rely on.  

    She had parents she could rely on.

Both of our families lived in the same income sized house, and neither well off. 

Both of our parents had friends.

 

Both of our parents had the freedoms of religion. which meant at my house we did a lot of church things and I was part of a church youth group and raised by many on lookers.

Everything in those comparisons are choices.  Do you go left or do you go right?  Do you take the easy path or do you take the hard path? Do you go to college, do you get married, do you have kids.... choices are endless and so are the paths.

My thought process is this.... We will always be the product of choices that were made, some of them ours, some of them our parents and some made by someone we put in our lives. You can’t compare your life to others, or assume because they are in a better place it is because of some advantage they had.  Some people work very hard to achieve things.  We drag ourselves out of bad marriages and we raise children alone.  We bury our parents, we lose friendships and we move miles away from our loved ones.  Everyone has missed, achieved and blessed opportunities.    

But the good thing about choices is, there's always another one coming around the corner giving you another chance to make a better life.

That's A Wrap!!

I finished my Christmas shopping today.  Never went to a store.  I am so laying low.... so low!!! I could be the queen of the limbo contests!  Usually this time of year, I am out and about and buying all kinds of things.  But this year I am doing everything online.  I just don't want to catch this darn virus!  

All the gifts should arrive by the 15th and then I can relax.  How is it that men don't have to shop?  Dennis walked in the house yesterday and said.  I am finished with all my Christmas shopping!   He only buys for me!  Must be nice! lol Why is it just my job to do this?  It's stressful!  At any rate.. for Christmas 2020 I am done!  

Saying good-bye

June passed away today.  It's incredibly sad to lose a monarchs of the family, even if you rarely see them.  Something about knowing they are here is often enough. Especially for Dennis who is as low income as they come.  I remember the first time I met her.  She came out to my car on 16th street to talk to me.  She was cleaning out Dennis's refrigerator.  She was sweet and nice to me from that day on.  She accepted me and my children into her family.  I think she knew I was good for Dennis and that I loved him.  Mom's really need to know that.  I am sad that she was in a place where she was unable to really get to spend time with more of her grandchildren.  

There will be no funeral as of now.  I think we will do a memorial once covid is under control.  She will be laid to rest next to Jimmy, so we will have to travel to Guymon.  

Poor Dennis has been a little lost.  It's been hard to watch, but I didn't want to leave him home alone.  He is a practical person, like me.  He understands and accepts how life works.  He thinks crying makes him look weak.  It makes him look realistic to me.  He is mainly watching TV, not doing his usual tinkering around fixing this or cleaning that.  He says he is too busy but I have watched this man for 27 years always find things to keep him busy on purpose. I have to admit I don't like him laying around a lot, it doesn't feel right to me.

We both went back to work today and I missed him.   Hopefully time will help him.  You never get over the loss of a parent, but time is definitely needed.

So Ready!

We are getting things started for the pool today!  I'm so excited to see it laid out!  Ready! Ready! and SO READY!  Expect I don't want them to tear up my yard!  For some reason that thought makes me sad.  It's just grass... but still, we have made memories playing and running and hunting eggs.  I know we will continue to make memories, even better ones... I'm so ready!!!