April 2, 2024

Appliance Wars!


Dennis and I are learning to live together through his retirement. He has started to move things around and I am not a fan. So after a debate over which way the toaster needs to face, I had it!

Raven: If you don't put it back the way it goes it's going to disappear.

Dennis didn't think I was serious. So after I caught it in the wrong place again, I took it, cleaned it out and stored it in the cabinet directly under the counter from where it sat.

Cut to the next morning,,, I go to make myself a cup of coffee and the reservoir for my keurig is missing. Dennis is no where in sight but I know he hid it! So of course the only logical thing to do is to hide his coffee pot.

Eye for an eye...

The only problem is I am trying to do it in a hurry before he comes in the kitchen and I can't find a space big enough...Finally I think I found a spot above the microwave, but when I turned to be sure the coast was clear, Dennis's head was slightly peeking around the wall looking right at me!

Caught in the act I jumped 2 feet in the air and screamed, then laughed so hard I almost peed my pants! I don't know why! It wasn't funny that I got caught!

Coming all the way from behind the wall he just looks at me with an intense glare.

Me: Where's my water tank?

Dennis: Where's my toaster?

Me: Tell me first!

Dennis: No! It doesn't work that way! I couldn't even take my medicine this morning cause I couldn't make toast! That's elderly abuse!

I started playing the world's' tiniest violin with my fingers.

I purposely walked slowly out of the kitchen, head held high... with the his coffee pot still in my hand and went to change the bed sheets! When I was taking them to the laundry room Dennis stopped me.

Dennis: Just sit them down and I will do them.

Raven: Why don't you want me to start the sheets?

He says NOTHING.... just stares at me like we are fixing to draw guns in a showdown.

He and I both go toward the cabinet above the washer where the laundry soap is. I try to open it and he pushes it shut!

Raven: My water tank is in there I saw it!

Dennis: No it's not!

It was... and he had to give it to me cause "thems the rulz"!

I made sure he had his toaster and coffee pot back for the next day.... and it's worth mentioning the toaster hasn't been facing the wrong way since!

Happy wife.... happy life!

March 28, 2024

Can Bug Spray kill a Cyclops?

I was peacefully writing in my hut when Dennis burst in holding a tissue with a tiny squashed bug.

Dennis: Look what I found on the kitchen floor.

Furrowing my brow....

Raven: What is it? An ant?

Dennis: No! It's a Cyclops!

Raven: A What?!

Dennis: It's a Cyclops!

As he showed me the tiny insect, squished on the tissue, I stared at him.

Raven: Dennis, it's just an ant.

Dennis: I'm getting the bug spray.


March 23, 2024

Cheap MF

Watching a show with Matthew where there was a funeral......

Raven:  Matthew, I want to be buried at sunset. 

Matthew:  I bet you got to pay extra for sunset services cause everything is closed.

Raven: I don't care if it cost more money. Don't let dad bury me at 10 in the morning.  I hate mornings!

Matthew: No, he will bury you at 8 in the morning because it's probably cheaper. The Early bird special!