Who’s The Glue of Your Family

There is usually one woman in every family who becomes the glue. The one who thinks about everybody, keeps track of birthdays, plans the holidays, comes up with things for everyone to do and tries to keep the family connected. She plans it, shops for it, spends the money, decorates, organizes, takes the pictures and tries to make sure everyone—especially the kids—is having fun. Most of the time, everyone else just gets to show up.

Being the glue can be exhausting, and it can also be incredibly unappreciated. The woman trying to keep everyone together is often called bossy. She expects too much. She tries too hard. She makes too big a deal out of things. She takes too many pictures. There can be an eye roll or negative comment for almost everything she does. But what looks like “trying too hard” to everyone else may simply be someone who loves her family enough to put effort into making memories.

And here’s an idea: instead of having an opinion about everything after it’s already planned and done, offer to help while it’s still in the planning stages. Help come up with the idea. Make a reservation. Bring something. Decorate. Pay for part of it. Ask, “What can I do?” It’s pretty easy to point out what could have been done differently when someone else did all the work. If you want a voice in how things are done,don’t wait until the day everything’s done.

The funny thing is, family memories don’t magically happen. Somebody thought of the Christmas tradition. Somebody planned the family outing. Somebody bought the decorations and stayed up late putting them out. Somebody convinced everyone to play the silly game. Somebody got all the kids together and made them stand still long enough for that picture everyone will treasure twenty years from now. And yes, everybody probably complained while she was taking it.

Maybe families should be a little easier on their glue. Instead of teasing her for taking another picture, smile for the damn picture. Instead of complaining about the activity, participate. Instead of telling her she tries too hard, recognize how much effort it takes to keep a family connected as everyone gets older, busier and pulled in different directions.

Because eventually the kids grow up, holidays change, people move away and some of the people in those annoying pictures aren’t here anymore. Suddenly those silly traditions and hundreds of pictures don’t seem quite so ridiculous.

The glue isn’t trying to control the family. She’s trying to hold onto it.

And every once in a while, somebody should probably thank her for that.