Our converstations.... what have we become?!?!

Dennis:  Here tastes this.

Raven:  NO!  It's ocean water!

Dennis:  It's tastes really salty!

Raven:  DUH!

****

Dennis:  I ate something that upset my stomach.

Raven:    Are you okay?  You feel like you wanna throw up

Dennis:  No.  Just gassy.  I swear I could blow up an inner tube!

Raven:  TMI

****

We SUCK at our Parenting Skills!

Matthew could not keep his eyes open. Here we were - Hollywood Studios in Florida, the epitome of excitement, and my kid decides this is the time to take a nap? He leaned on poles, on me, on walls—basically, anything that supported him. The boy even dozed off while waiting in line for rides! Eventually, we stopped for lunch, thinking food might revive him. Nope. Once he finished eating, his head hit the table like a cement bag. Moments later... not a twitch. Out cold. For Matthew my ADHD kid, that’s the universal sign. He was done.

We tried to wake him gently, but you can’t reason with someone who’s reached a coma-level slumber. What’s a family to do? Oh, we walked away. That’s right. Cleaned up the table, tossed our trash, slid those super loud benches back into place (because why not?), and just strolled off. Meanwhile, Matthew stayed sprawled there, happily snoring in public like he owned the place.

Now, it gets better. I spotted a cast member nearby and, fueled by equal parts mischief and parental exasperation, asked her to help us out. She could hardly contain her laughter but eventually agreed. With some coaxing (OK, some light bullying from me), she tapped his arm gingerly. No response. She tapped again—harder this time, because this kid sleeps like a rock—until finally, she said with a perfect deadpan, “Excuse me, sir? Are you done with this table?”

Matthew bolted upright like a deer in headlights, drool prominently featured (a classic Matthew move). Confused, he scanned the scene only to realize he was utterly abandoned. The tables nearby? Filled with giggling spectators. His response to seeing us at a safe distance? “You guys SUCK as parents!”

Of course, embarrassment only wakes you up so much, so we figured it was time for drastic measures. Enter the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror. If plummeting 13 stories—four times in a row—doesn’t shake you out of nap mode, nothing will. Astonishingly, it worked. Matthew was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed after that.

Parenting at its finest, folks!

Ha Ha!

Damn Dog!

Tanner: I'm trying to give Alex a peice of chicken and Belson snagged it!

Me: Its okay... he's bad anyway!

Tanner:  Who's bad?

Me:  Alex

Tanner: Why

Me:  Cause I went to help dad with something and I left my food, and when I came back Alex was eating it.

Tanner: You left your food on the couch?

Me:  No.  I left it on the table by dads chair and he climbed up on the chair and then the end table.

Tanner:  What was it.

Raven:  Avacado

Tanner:  *laughs*  Alex ate an avacodo?

Raven:  No! He realized what it was, but once his face was in the bowl I wasn't going to eat it!

Tanner:  awwe.. So Alex got into trouble right before I got here?

Raven:  No this was two days ago.

*pause*

Raven:  Yeah!  I'm still pissed about it! You don't mess with my food!   

June Bugs ONE - Raven ZERO

The damn June Bugs Won! 

Tonight I was enjoying some peace and relaxation out on the patio, while surfing the web and enjoying some Stevie Nicks tunes when I was accosted by June bugs!

I hate June bugs.  They are some seriously over weight, needy bugs that cling to you and NEVER let go, even when you do a weird African type boogie woogie salsa dance!  They're like Velcro! 

They make weird noises as they fly around and I think they might be sight impaired as they never seem to know where they are going.  Either that, or they are drunk!  They slam into walls, chairs, lights and my head!  If they land on the ground, they do this weird type of break dancing and never seem to be able to get up on the first try.  I always watch them and think of that phrase:  Help me I've fallen and I can't get up....

They travel in a pack, as there won't be any... and then all of a sudden one comes, and then four, then twelve... then Forty!... I think they come from Mexico!!!  And you always know when they are coming cause you hear a pop sound, and everyone looks toward the sound, and you know...

It's a June bug!  

Then you start getting all paranoid, cause you know more will show up and take over your area.... knowing they are going to head for the light, but because they all show up intoxicated, they end up in your drinks, and in your hair or hanging on to your shirt while you freak out!  Finally you slap them off you causing them to fly away just to land on you again in a minute. 

It's a vicious cycle that you just can't win.