My GPS is on Crack!

I am not a traveler.  I would like to be, but sadly, not the case.  I did have a plan though.  An idea so crazy and wild that I can't believe I actually did it.... I bought a Garmin! 

I was so excited to get one because it would give me some freedom to travel in the big city in which I live without depending on my loving husband to get off his ass and take me places... Plus he never seemed to want to take me to Hobby Lobby or Places where "I spend money"!

As good as this plan was however, my Garmin got old.  As fast as our town was growing in the last 2 years since I purchased her, she became outdated. She became CA-ranky and stubborn. She couldn't even find her way home anymore, damn thing! Personally, I think she is menopausal!

Because she was a whopping $50.00 on Black Friday where I snagged her at 6:00 am......  We looked into possibly getting a "map update". It would cost roughly $99 to update her... basically the cost of a new one and let's face it.... Why fix it when you can get a BRAND NEW ONE!!!!!  One that has a bigger screen, better graphics, more options!  But Dennis, being the frugal man that he is... didn't see the point!  Why do you always burst my bubble DC!

So last week I go to Midwest City for an appointment... I type in the address of my destination and head out on the highway.  I get about 3/4 way there.. crusin down I40 listening to '50 Shades of Grey' on my kindle and BAM!... I run into construction..  I can not turn where she is telling me too.. because there is NO ROAD and the GPS freaks out!!!  I look down at the screen in a panic and my car looks like it is flying over gray nothingness!!!  She starts yelling at me: RECALCULATING...RECALCULATING And then wanted me to make a U turn!  IN THE MIDDLE OF I40!  She is so old and outdated, could not figure an alternative route!  She had no idea there was construction there and was flustered!  Finally she told me to sod off and I was on my own!  Why does she hate me???  So, I got out my IPhone, which I hate to use for this purpose bacause it is ass backwards...  and found my destination with little time to spare. 

When I was done with my appointment, I went straight to walmart and bought a brand new GPS.  One that was not menopausal.  My new one was calm, cool and collected... knew where all the construction was, helped me avoid it and knew exactly where we lived!  Money well spent!

Don't. Feel. Good. UGH!

Comic Relief? Or Divorce Court...

How many people does it take to hide the cords behind the TV?

Three! 

And apparently it also requires the assistance of two growling dogs that have the run of a 2000 sq ft house and a doggie door that takes them to the great outdoors whenever they choose... yet they that pick that moment and that room, and better yet under that ladder I am standing on..... to fight over a stick!

I dropped the Wii and the DVD player... Yep!  They both hit the floor, crushing a candle into millions of pieces, on a floor that I had just swept!  Apparently, or according to the... know-it-all Dennis, the cords which I wrapped, where too tight and couldn't reach the proper plug-ins!!  Suck my big toe Dennis!

Through it all - Dennis only holds the front of the TV with both hands saying, "It's gotta sit flat!  It's gotta sit flat!" (talking about the cable box).  Matthew kept leaving the room and we would have to say... "MATTHEW!  Come here! We're not done!"  And he would whine about how he was trying to "clean his room"!  *Side note... I told him to clean it YESTERDAY and he didn't... now when I need his help his excuse was... "You told me to clean my room!"  OMG!!!

Finally, after Dennis redos my 'screwed-up-wrapped-up-cord-job'... we get the TV back up, and as Matthew and I are trying to plug the 40,000 cords back where they go to make sure everything is working..... Dennis says, "It' isnt' in the middle!  It's gotta go to the left!"  We say okay just a minute we are still plugging stuff in... But ignoring us he repeats it like 5 times!!!  Then he didnt' like the DVD player where it was.  (it has always been right there....)  "That looks hillbilly!"  he says.  At the breaking point and not at my best moment I say "Your MOM's a hillbilly!"  and he is like ... "Don't talk about my momma!"  :)

So, I start to clean up all the mess we have made during this adventure and I have cut wire, cut zip ties, a screw (?), okay, I honestly have no idea where that came from.... and candle shavings that got crushed when I dropped the Will on it... and as I am going to the trash with my hand full of this shhhh....er....stuff, -  Dennis wants to make sure I am not throwing anything good away that he can possible use again!  So... feeling aggravated because I obviously know the difference between trash and not trash items, I dumped it all on the island. He picked through it and said... yeah.. it's all trash and then walked away without putting it in the trash! UGH!!!

I haven't watched TV the rest of the night!

Someone understands me!!

I was so excited when I read this.  I dont' know how they knew this stuff and I am not even sure if others are as 'right on' as my sign is, but this is scary on point for me!   It makes me feel like it is okay to be how I am.  The emotional part was right on and I HATE to be tied down.  I am a free agent.  So weird that nothing that was written contradicts my personality!
http://zodiac-signs-astrology.com/zodiac-signs/aquarius.htm

Cranky Old Man.....

 

What do you see nurses? . . .. . .What do you see?
What are you thinking .. . when you're looking at me?
A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise,
Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food .. . ... . . and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice . .'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice . . .the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . .. . . A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not . . . ... lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . .The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking?. .Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse .you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, .. . . . as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters .. . . .. . who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . .. . . a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty . . . ..my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now . . . . .I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . .. . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . .. With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone,
But my woman is beside me . . to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, .. ...Babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me . . . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future ... . . . . I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing .. . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man . . . . . . .. and nature is cruel.
It's jest to make old age . . . . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigour, depart.
There is now a stone . . . where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells
I remember the joys . . . . .. . I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . . . . . life over again.
I think of the years, all too few . . .. gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, people .. . . . .. . . open and see.

Not a cranky old man .
Look closer . . . . see .. .. . .. .... . ME!!