What Actually Matters

I was thinking today about something people ask from time to time… what’s it like having a gay son?

My answer is always the same.

It’s like having a son.

Seriously, that’s it.

People act like it’s some completely different parenting experience, but it really isn’t. He’s funny, smart, brutally honest, and one of my favorite people to shop with because he actually has style. He’ll tell me if something looks terrible without sugarcoating it, and I appreciate that more than the sales clerk telling me everything looks “cute.”

I have four children. Three are married to the opposite sex, and one is gay. The truth is, I don’t think about their relationships differently. I don’t sit around defining them by who they love. I define them by who they are.

That’s what matters.

When I meet someone my children love, I don’t have a checklist that starts with sexual orientation. My checklist is much simpler.

Are they kind?

Do they make my child laugh?

Do they show up when life gets hard?

Do they work hard, love well, and treat people with respect?

Are they good to their family? Patient with children? Compassionate toward older people? The kind of person you’d be proud to have around your dinner table?

Those are the things I notice.

Character has always mattered more to me than labels.

Being the mom of a gay son hasn’t changed how I love, worry, celebrate, or cheer for my child. It hasn’t changed what I hope for him either. I want him to find someone who is loyal, kind, dependable, and who makes life better just by being in it.

Because that’s what I want for all four of my children.

At the end of the day, relationships aren’t built on labels. They’re built on character. And character will always matter more than anything else.