My husband and I were watching the news today, and apparently the safest thing to consume is… anxiety.
Every story was another warning. There are viruses going around. Don’t eat this fruit. Wash those vegetables. Peel them. No, boil them.
Rice? Oh, rice has arsenic. But don’t worry—you can buy a different kind of rice. Then boil it, dump the water, boil it again in fresh water, say a prayer, and maybe you’ll survive dinner.
At some point I looked at Dennis and said, “I think we’re just going to start eating cookies for every meal.” He didn’t even hesitate. “I could do that.” Finally. A man with solutions. Then I remembered a conversation I had with my daughter earlier today about cookies. Specifically, the kind of people who put raisins in cookies. Those people are not to be trusted. Listen… if it looks like a chocolate chip, it had better BE a chocolate chip. Don’t let me bite into what I thought was happiness only to discover betrayal wrapped in a raisin. And while we’re making requests… keep the oatmeal out too. I don’t need healthy cookies. If I wanted healthy, I’d still be standing over my sink washing, peeling, boiling, draining, and re-boiling my dinner. Give me the good stuff. White sugar. Brown sugar. Chocolate chips. Sugar, sugar, and a little more sugar.
At this point, cookies seem like less work than making rice.
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