Kids are expensive. There. I said it.
And this is one of those facts that really shouldn’t sneak up on anybody. Children cost money before they’re born, and they pretty much keep costing money until one of you dies. It’s basically the longest subscription service you’ll ever sign up for—and there is absolutely no cancellation button.
First, it’s cribs, diapers, formula, bottles, toys, and daycare. Then it’s clothes they outgrow approximately eleven minutes after you buy them.
Then comes school. School supplies. Backpacks. Lunches. Field trips. Sports fees. Cleats. Uniforms. Band instruments. Band uniforms. Braces. Birthday parties. Christmas presents. Fast food eaten in the car because you’ve got one kid at practice and another kid playing a game across town.
Then somebody needs a car. And apparently cars need gas, tires, repairs and insurance. Who knew?
Then there’s prom (Sometimes 5!) Graduation. College. Weddings. And just when you think you’ve finally crossed the financial finish line—grandkids.
You will probably spend more money raising your children than you’ll ever spend on yourself. That’s parenting. Nobody promised it would be cheap.
What I don’t understand is why predictable expenses keep becoming emergencies. School starts at approximately the same time every single year. Christmas has been stubbornly hanging onto December 25th for quite some time. Soccer season isn’t a surprise attack. Neither is cheerleading, band, football, or prom.
So when you’re online five days before a deadline saying you desperately need somebody to buy your child’s supplies, equipment, uniform, or Christmas presents, sometimes that isn’t an emergency. Sometimes it’s poor planning.
And yes, real hardship exists. People lose jobs. People get sick. Cars break down. Houses burn. Families leave abusive situations. Life can absolutely knock somebody flat overnight, and I’m all for helping people through those situations. That’s not what I’m talking about.
I’m talking about regularly signing your child up for things you already know you cannot afford and then expecting strangers to cover the bill.
Electives are elective.
If an activity costs $500 and you don’t have $500, you may have to say no. That’s not cruel. That’s parenting within your means.
And I’m probably really going to irritate somebody with this next part. If your family consistently cannot afford basic necessities while you’re choosing to be a stay-at-home parent, then you may need to reconsider whether your family can afford for you to stay home.
Being a stay-at-home parent is work. Absolutely. But financially, it’s also a choice that only works when the household income can support it. If you’re sitting at home while repeatedly asking churches, agencies and working people online to pay for your children’s school supplies, sports equipment, and other optional expenses, something in that equation needs to change.
Children also learn responsibility by watching us. We tell them to do their homework, brush their teeth, eat properly, save their money, meet deadlines, and think ahead. Then we can’t act shocked when December shows up and we haven't bough a single gift.
(Christmas is 131 days away from today. There. That’s your warning.)
If money is tight, start putting away $5 or $10 when you can. Buy things throughout the year. Shop clearance. Buy used sports equipment. Set a Christmas budget. Tell the kids there may be fewer presents this year. Skip an activity you can’t afford. And sometimes—this is going to hurt—your child may be disappointed.
That’s okay.
Children can survive disappointment. In fact, learning that we can’t always have everything we want is probably one of the more useful lessons we can teach them. I hate seeing a child go without. Most people do. That’s exactly why last-minute pleas work: good people don’t want children to suffer.
But ultimately, they’re your children.
Other people’s generosity should be the safety net when life genuinely goes wrong. It shouldn’t be the family financial plan. So before school starts, plan for school. Before sports season, plan for sports. Before Christmas, plan for Christmas. And if you can’t afford something, sometimes the answer simply has to be no. Plan earlier. Spend smarter. Work if you need to. Do without when you have to.
Because raising children is expensive. But that part was never a surprise.
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