Just Tell Me I’m Fine Again

I’ve recently discovered something about myself: I don’t necessarily need new information.

I need the same information repeated until my nervous system agrees with it.

You can tell me, “That’s normal.”

Great.

Five minutes later: “Okay, but is it still normal?”

Ten minutes later: “Can you check again?”

And apparently, if I own a device capable of measuring something, I will measure the absolute shit out of it.

My Apple Watch has learned this the hard way.

Heart rate 89? Wonderful.

Heart rate 101? Excuse me, what the hell is happening?

Heart rate 116 because I stood up and walked across the room? Well, obviously this is the end.

Back to 99?

“Okay, but check it again.”

😂

I don’t think I’m necessarily a hypochondriac. I think I’m more of a professional reassurance seeker. There’s a difference. I don’t always believe something terrible is wrong. I just need someone to confirm approximately 14 times that something terrible is not wrong.

And the funny thing is, once I’m reassured, I’m perfectly reasonable.

“Okay! That makes sense.”

Then my body does one slightly different thing.

“Wait. What was THAT?”

Maybe some of it comes with getting older. When you’re young, your body can make a weird noise and you think, Huh.

At 61, your body makes a weird noise and suddenly you’re conducting a full investigation.

Was that there yesterday?

Is that new?

What medications have I taken?

Did I drink enough water?

Is this hormones?

Am I out of shape?

Could it be the prednisone?

CHECK MY HEART AGAIN.

I know reassurance can become a rabbit hole, and I’m working on trusting my body a little more instead of monitoring every little thing it does.

But sometimes I don’t need someone to tell me I’m being ridiculous.

I just need someone to calmly say, “You’re okay. What you’re feeling makes sense.”

And apparently, occasionally, I need them to say it again.

And again.

And one more time just to be safe.

Then I’ll relax.

Probably.

But first…

Can you check it again? 😂

Labels: Aging, Anxiety, Health, Humor, Overthinking, Reassurance, Getting Older, Apple Watch, Life After 60, Insignificant Thoughts