I’m Tired of Carrying the Conversation

I’m not as talkative as I used to be. Is this an age thing? Or am I finally out of things to say? I mean, I’ve had something to say about pretty much everything for 61 years, so maybe I’ve finally used up my word allotment. 😂

And I have apparently always been this way. When I was little, I used to tell my siblings, “You rest. I’ll talk.” 😂 I mean, if that doesn’t sum up my entire personality, I don’t know what does. I was carrying conversations before I even knew they needed carrying.

Dennis isn’t a talker, and I’ve always found myself filling in the gaps when we’re together. How did a talker and a non-talker end up together? I guess it worked because I had enough words for both of us. But I think I’m worn out. I don’t want to be responsible for keeping the conversation going anymore. I want to be entertained!

I hate empty silence at the dinner table. Car rides are fine because you’ve got the radio filling the air. Dennis and I can drive 30 miles without saying a word while Pour Some Sugar on Me is blasting like we’re still 25 years old. 😂 Sitting in the living room is fine too because there’s usually a show playing. But the dinner table? There’s nothing. Just two people chewing. I can hear a fork hit a plate and suddenly I feel responsible for starting a conversation like, “Do you think squirrels know they’re squirrels?” 😂

The kids always kept things going. I can ping if somebody else is pinging! Throw something out there and I’ve got something to say. Dennis does join in a conversation, but that’s if everyone else starts it and carries it. Otherwise, he sits at the dinner table to actually eat. Apparently he thinks that’s what we came there for. 😂 For years I didn’t mind being the one who kept things going, but now I don’t want to be that person all the time. Somebody else entertain me. I’ve done my time.

The funny thing is, I recently realized my daddy was the one who carried the conversations in our family. We were lively and we ALL had shit to say, but Daddy was the one who kept it going. My mom was much more like Dennis. Crazy realization, really. When Daddy passed, it was hard on her because suddenly she had to learn a whole new trait. The person who had always filled in those gaps wasn’t there anymore, and now she had to figure out how to do it herself.

Which, of course, got me thinking about Dennis and me.

I hope I go first.

Not for some sweet romantic reason like I couldn’t bear to live without him. 😂 I just think after all these years of me filling in the gaps, it’s only fair Dennis has to learn to talk more.

Knowing him, though, he’ll probably just turn the radio on. 😂