I hate an empty apology. Sometimes I think it’s more insulting than no apology at all. “I’m sorry I got caught,” “I’m sorry you didn’t like what I did,” and especially “I’m sorry you feel that way” all say the same thing to me—you’re not really sorry you hurt me. You’re sorry there’s a problem now.
To me, that’s a slap in the face. It makes me feel like you don’t really care about my feelings, and eventually that makes me care a whole lot less about protecting yours.
A real apology is simple: “I’m sorry I hurt you. I may not have meant to, but now that I know I did, I’ll try not to do it again.” It’s heartfelt, it takes some ownership, and there’s an effort to learn from it.
I don’t expect perfection. People screw up. I screw up. You may hurt my feelings again over something completely different. But if I’ve specifically told you something hurts me and you purposely keep doing that same thing, then your apology doesn’t mean much.
I don’t need groveling or some big dramatic speech. I just need to know you give a shit that you hurt me. Own it, learn from it and try to do better.
Because “I’m sorry” isn’t supposed to erase what you did. It’s supposed to show me you cared enough that you wish you hadn’t done it.
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