Damn Dog!

Tanner: I'm trying to give Alex a peice of chicken and Belson snagged it!

Me: Its okay... he's bad anyway!

Tanner:  Who's bad?

Me:  Alex

Tanner: Why

Me:  Cause I went to help dad with something and I left my food, and when I came back Alex was eating it.

Tanner: You left your food on the couch?

Me:  No.  I left it on the table by dads chair and he climbed up on the chair and then the end table.

Tanner:  What was it.

Raven:  Avacado

Tanner:  *laughs*  Alex ate an avacodo?

Raven:  No! He realized what it was, but once his face was in the bowl I wasn't going to eat it!

Tanner:  awwe.. So Alex got into trouble right before I got here?

Raven:  No this was two days ago.

*pause*

Raven:  Yeah!  I'm still pissed about it! You don't mess with my food!   

June Bugs ONE - Raven ZERO

The damn June Bugs Won! 

Tonight I was enjoying some peace and relaxation out on the patio, while surfing the web and enjoying some Stevie Nicks tunes when I was accosted by June bugs!

I hate June bugs.  They are some seriously over weight, needy bugs that cling to you and NEVER let go, even when you do a weird African type boogie woogie salsa dance!  They're like Velcro! 

They make weird noises as they fly around and I think they might be sight impaired as they never seem to know where they are going.  Either that, or they are drunk!  They slam into walls, chairs, lights and my head!  If they land on the ground, they do this weird type of break dancing and never seem to be able to get up on the first try.  I always watch them and think of that phrase:  Help me I've fallen and I can't get up....

They travel in a pack, as there won't be any... and then all of a sudden one comes, and then four, then twelve... then Forty!... I think they come from Mexico!!!  And you always know when they are coming cause you hear a pop sound, and everyone looks toward the sound, and you know...

It's a June bug!  

Then you start getting all paranoid, cause you know more will show up and take over your area.... knowing they are going to head for the light, but because they all show up intoxicated, they end up in your drinks, and in your hair or hanging on to your shirt while you freak out!  Finally you slap them off you causing them to fly away just to land on you again in a minute. 

It's a vicious cycle that you just can't win. 

Not Wanting Much....

Oh man!  I am outside, eating pasta and writing!  I love being outside!  I think I should live in a tent in the woods by a stream....  Okay maybe not a tent... but all the other stuff would work if it was a quaint cottage and had A/C, a room full of books.. and all the music I wanted.  I think I just described heaven...

I might need a kitchen and a bathroom.  And a porch bed swing... and obviously some mosquito repellent.  I hate those pesky things!  But JUNE bugs can freak me out and make me go in really quick!

I might could use a jeep... so I could get to the store... or a Olive Garden. I mean I guess I could just fish in the stream but who would clean them?  Not me!  I barely touch the bait for the hook.  Unless I use Hominy... then it's okay, but I won't touch a fish once I catch it.  NOPE!  A garden to work in would be cool.... LOTS OF CANTALOUPE PLEASE!

Yep... I don't need much....

My husband is a kiss ass

Eating at the Outback (Which was FULL)

Dennis:  I never have had to wait this long before.

Me:  They're busy....  It's not a big deal.

Dennis:  Yeah I know, cause I am with the girl I love. 

Me:  GAG!

I am married to a Little Debbie Junkie

Watching Dennis pull his hand out of a Little Debbie Swirl Box.....


Me:  OMGOSH Dennis!  Do you have enough?

Dennis:  What?!  This is all that would fit in my hand!

Me:  Are you going to eat all of those?

Dennis: For now... Doesn't mean I ain't coming back for more though!

Ahhh Family time!

I can FEEL the food chain shifting.....
 

This is how my mom survived raising 4 children.  She ignored us!  Pretending we were never up to no good. 

I Call B.S.!!

I have been playing scrabble with my sister  who lives in Colorado lately, and while playing a perfectly  Legitimate word, it said it was not a word!!  I found it ironic... Because I play this game on my iPad.... Using an app!  I call BS!!!

Dog Sitting

We are dog sitting for some friends.  She is such a cute and sweet little Yorkie.  She has been no problem at all.  We could tell she was missing her mommy and daddy that first day... so Dennis started talking to her like he does our dogs.  But you can't call us mommy and daddy... so he started referring to himself as Uncle Dennis. 

The 2nd day, Dennis still refered to himself as Uncle Dennis, but started to refer to me as Grandma! 

Me:  How come you are Uncle Dennis and I am GRANDMA?!?

Dennis:  I don't know...

Me:  Well I am not grandma if you are Uncle.  So ....... call me something else!

Dennis:  Great grandma?

Me: *insert stink eye look here*

Today is my youngest birthday.  He is 18!  I have mixed emotions about this.  I don't know where 18 years went.. but it sure went in a hurry.

My Life in a Nut shell!

BAM SUCKER

I got up and got dressed.... nice clothes, not bummy ones...Put on make up!... FIXED my hair... didn't pull it up or put on a cap.  I was looking good enough to be out and about. I go to the store  and I won't tell you which one, but not because I don't want too... but because I shouldn't.  AND the sales jerk..( not clerk) says:...

You tired?

I say.... er , NO? 

She says:  You look tired!

WTH?!?  I know YOUR not working on commission! Why do I look tired?  I didn't look tired 15 minutes ago when I left the house!  I can tell you this... even if I did look tired... I looked better then she did! 

BAM SUCKER!

Swimsuit suicide watch! I can't believe I pay for this torture!

This mess spells depression!  The Sales lady will love me!

So... I bit the bullet today and finally went swim suit shopping! Only took me 5 years!  And let me just say, that was the most depressing 3 hours of my life! My friend Tracy went with me and I swear she brought me every swimsuit they had... every color.... every style... and none of them made me look even near 18 again. or 21, or 34, or 46... or.... well you get the point! UGH!

What happened to the fun time of buying that perfect suit with your friends, the one that hugged you in the right places and showed off what little you had.  And the fact that you wanted the boys to see you in it.  Laying out with your friends at a public pool or a lake!  NOW, I am looking for a swimsuit that not only sucks in, lifts up, divides, conquers, trims, molds, squashes, separates, reshapes and defines, but also one that will look good completely covered up with a large Sarong wrapped around my entire body!   And we PAY for this?!?!

If I wasn't going to the Atlantic Ocean in a couple of weeks... I would not have bought one!

Life is unfair and who needs it!!!  Why must women trade in their perfect little OP bodies when they have kids?!?!  Oh who am I kidding... I got this figure from my love of chocolate ice cream!  Well... here's to Special K for breakfast, lunch and dinner the next couple of weeks!!!

SUNBURNED!!!!! Holy Hell

I am on this mission to tan.  Why?  Cause I am going to Florida and the beach. I want to wear nice cool flowing sun dresses and sandals and be comfortable... I don't want to be the pasty white girl on the beach looking pathetic, so I thought I would get my tan on.

 

I got my burn on! 

It hurts. 

Holy Hell!

 

When I told Dennis that I didn't' want to look stupid at the beach all white, he said,  "Yeah, now you get to go all peeling and gross!  That's the look to go for!" Smart ass husband.... 

 

I forgot how a sunburn hurts!  I am a dumb ass! 

I am a Librocubicularist!

Okay so I am a librocubisularist.  There!  I admit it.  I enjoy that time of day.  And I also wear my hair up and have glasses.  I prop up on numerous pillows and even sometimes have a robe up all the way to my neck, with a hot cup of something ready at all times.  But I am not understanding the thigh highs.  Pretty sure I don't own a pair or would wear them while I read.  They are a little scary, and frankly.... it makes me uncomfortable just seeing this.  Plus I think this chick fell asleep as she has no pupils! 

More Space Needed!!

My kitchen table is never going to be the same.  I have it filled with crap!  I am so busy with computer stuff and book stuff and ledgers.... the list is long and all of that is on my table. I can't see the top!  It's sad.  I need a desk.  Wait!  I have a desk.  It wasn't big enough!  Now I need a bigger table.  Maybe I need to just simplify and do one thing at a time!  YEAH RIGHT!  I have not time for one thing at a time.  It all has to be done by last Tuesday!  I would take a picture... but my phone is on the table... and I can't find it.  :(

This is not a Drill!

The last two weeks are not the weeks to live in Oklahoma!  We have had so many tornado's, I can't even tell you, for sure, how many we have actually had. 

Is TOO DAMN MANY close enough?

But it isn't the same as hearing the weatherman say "There is a mile wide storm with a multiple vortex tornado coming straight for you!"

.... which it was. 

Both sides of neighbors come over with their dogs and our neighbors from across the street.  We all watch the weather while we still have time before we have to go in the fraidy hole.  Of course our electricity goes out! It goes out when the sky is blue, and the birds are singing, and there is no wind.
I think if someone in the neighborhood  farts.... the electricity goes out!

Anyway... the last thing we heard on the TV was; "We have a tornado on the ground ONE mile south of I40 heading toward Yukon.

DUDE!  We LIVE 1 mile south of I40!  So this tornado was not just heading toward our town... but our street.... Without power and us having the weatherman to depend on... We start going down into the cellar. 

We have a 15 man cellar and we had 11 people and 7 dogs in before the night was up.  

You learn things when you go in the basement for real.  You know.... when you actually have to close the door because a truck might slam into your face if you don't? 

I learned  IT IS HOT in there! We need CIRCULATION!!!

I learned we need benches instead of chairs.  Chairs are bad.  They are big and take up too much room!  

We need a weather radio cause the life gets SUCKED out of your phone while you have iheart radio streaming... listening to the weather!

I also will take a ice chest down there and put some water in it!

 I was not prepared this storm... except with a place to go and lights!  I had two lanterns and 4 push on lights.  WHY for one small area I have NO IDEA.. but we were good in the light department!!!

After the tornado threat was over... we needed an ark!  It rained 10 inches and flooded lots of places in the city and surrounding towns. 

I am ready for this storm season to be over with.