Today's Goodbyes When Death Separates Us.

Today isn't the worst day of your life.  Today and tomorrow... it's a cake walk.  There'll be people around you day in and day out like their afraid to leave you alone.
The worst day?  That's next week, when there's nothing but quiet.

Sleep is better then a tummy ache

I fell asleep at 10:00.... so now it's 2:41 and I'm wide awake.  What's that about?  I get up and have some milk and it upsets my stomach. So basically I am not the smartest person at 2 in the morning because just the other day I told Dennis that I have noticed when I drink milk it upsets my stomach. Any normal person would then, refrain from drinking milk.  *sigh*  I should have just rolled over and went back to sleep!♡

I'm SHOOK!!! John just bought me a Van!

Wth just happened?!

Today...John, my Builder/landlord bought me this van!  I was in complete and utter shock!  Like speechless,
couldn't concentrate,
couldn't sit still,
couldn't eat,
couldn't get work done,
kept getting up to look at it in the parking lot...
SHOCK!

Back Story:   About a month ago, John was at the daycare checking on things and asked why one of my after school rooms didn't have kids in it.  I explained that I had just paid off a van and bought another one and I was going to wait until this summer to buy another van.

Today John calls me and asked me if I was going to be at work for a while and that he had something to bring me.  I teased him and asked:  Is it eviction papers?  Cause I don't want those! lol  He laughed and said no.  So we hung up and I went back to doing work.

He shows up and hands me keys.  He says:  "Here are the keys to your van."  I look at him.. "why do you have keys to my van?   He says:  "Your new van."  I stand up and look out the window and sure enough there is a van out there in my parking lot!

He starts talking, meanwhile my mind is racing ahead....I'm trying to figure out how I need to do the paperwork...who's going to drive it...what the payment will be....  but his voice breaks into my crazy thoughts... "there is no lien on it I paid cash for it.

*blink*

I asked" how much was it?"  He says $20,000.  I asked,  "So you want me to just tack the payment onto the lease payment?"  He laughs and says no... then tells me that the title will be sent to me next week and I can put it in my name or the company's name... "yeah... but how do I pay for this?" He said... Don't worry about that.  Just fill up that room!
Then he told me told me to get insurance on it!

I am SHOOK!

Forever Moving Forward

Yes I am still trying to figure out what more I need to do at the daycare. I’m already license for 177... so why not make the most of every room that I have? I mean letting a room stay empty that could be bringing me a revenue of 10 grand a month is stupid right? The problem I’m having is, it takes money to make money and I am out of money! So I guess maybe doing something in small doses or a little at a time would be the best thing to do right now.  That and it would need to be a double room!  UGh the issues I can see happening right before my eyes! lol 

However, getting back on track here....  I have a lot of  People wanting to bring their children and I feel like I need to get this done before summer.

Summer!!

That brings more obstacles I have to jump over... which is buying a van. I know Yukon is growing... so I should always stay full, but it's still a scary thing to do and a scary situation to find oneself in.  Paying the teachers more so that I can keep them is a great incentive!  I really want to offer them insurance and PTO and holiday pay too. 

Surely I can figure this out! 

Well, I have very little time to ... infact.. to figure this out!  I am going to have carpet put in quickly so that I can move kids around.  I am just thankful that I have people to help me!  Its really hard to do this type of work alone like when we first opened!  It goes much smoother now!

Married Life

As we got into bed this evening, Dennis and I were reflecting on the day and trying to 'out do' one another with what we did for each other today.

After I told him what I did for him,  He was telling me everything he did for me today and at the end his voice went funny and crackly and I laughed and made fun of his voice.

Me, while mimicking his voice:  Why you sound like that at the end of the sentence?

He laughed and said:  Cause I was running out of breath and I wasn't done bitching yet!!

Story of my life... He doesn't stop bitching even while gasping for air!♡

Always a Bright Side...

I am not a depressed person by nature... but have occasionally felt the sting of being sad for no apparent reason. 

However,  being that I AM an optimistic person by nature... this is how I view my depression when it hits!

How sweet is that?

I don’t know what it is about books and puzzles but my grandchildren love them!  Especially Joanie and Sammi!  They can both work on a puzzle for a very short time and have it together.  Sammi is more then happy to do the same puzzle over and over.  Today I gave her a new 25 piece floor puzzle to do that she hadn't done before and she loved it.  She had it done in nothing flat!

Also today while the kids were over playing, we have all these toys scattered throughout the living room, all at their disposal, and I hear nothing... No squealing, no fighting... and I think to myself:  This can't be good!  If they get quiet, I think,  "oh no!!  Where are they?  And what are they into?"  Low and behold... I found both of them in the library, sitting in my reading chair reading a book!  How sweet is that?!?

Sammi works on a puzzle

Reading books

A Day of Play

We had Sammi and Danny over  today.  They came around 10 and stay until 2...went home and took naps and then came back around 5, and stayed until 8.

We had lots of fun and did lots of things;  we did puzzles and played with dinosaurs... they played outside with Pop and took a bath where they got to play with new tub toys.  We read some books, we ate some supper and we watched a movie.

Of course Sammi noticed I had my nails painted so she wanted hers painted too... once Danny saw this...He didn’t want to be left out!  So yes, I painted his nails...... clear!  (I don't want his daddy mad at me!)  As soon as I was done he promptly rub them together like I had just put lotion on his hands and went on his merry way. Sometimes it’s just about feeling included.

I got my nails did!

I sat through getting my nails done today.  I have no idea why it is so hard to do, but every 3 weeks I go through the torture.  This months color is red.  Looks great with my pasty white hands... but it's seasonal for Valentines day.  The things we do for vanities sake!

Seeing this through

What’s I’m watching now.... it’s a repetitious show... same scenarios.. but I have invested too much time to quit now! 

Who decides what’s imperfect anyways??

I’ll keep my quirkinesses.  Some of them are my superpowers!!

I Need Substance!

Nights!!!! Why do I want to eat so much at night?!!  I’m going to start going to bed at 6:30 right after work so I can lose weight!  I want sweet stuff, crunchy stuff, anything on a bone!!! (I’m a carnivore)  if it’s chocolate ... it doesn’t stand a chance at making until morning!  I need to drop 40 and I can’t even go 40 minutes without looking in the fridge!  I gave  up ice cream 2 months ago and still sitting at the same weight. So...... I blog to get my mind off of snacking and what did I write??  Shit about eating!!! 🤦🏼‍♀️

Gathering my senses

I like to stay at home when the world is Poppin'.  It’s different staying at home on a weekday when everybody else is at work.  Being nice and cozy in your house whether you’re cleaning it or just watching Netflix.  Sometimes it’s nice just to get away to relax, to think a little... to prioritize. Gather my wits and pay attention to my senses.  And sometimes it provides a good day to make potato soup in the crock pot.❥

Hear me roar bitches!

I am not a "disgrace to women" because I don't support the women's march. I do not feel I am a "second class citizen" because I am a woman. I do not feel my voice is "not heard" because I am a woman. I do not feel I am not provided opportunities in this life or in America because I am a woman. I do not feel that I "don't have control of my body or choices" because I am a woman. I do not feel like I am " not respected or undermined" because I am a woman. I am not a "victim" because you say I am.

I AM a woman. 

I can make my own choices. 

I can speak and be heard. 

I can VOTE. 

I can work if I want. 

I control my body. 

I can defend myself. 

I can defend my family. 

There is nothing stopping me to do anything in this world but MYSELF. 

I do not blame my circumstances or problems on anything other than my own choices or even that sometimes in life, we don't always get what we want. I take responsibility for myself. 

I am a mother, a daughter, a wife, a sister, a friend. I am not held back in life but only by the walls I choose not to go over which is a personal choice. 

Quit blaming. 

Take responsibility. 

If you want to speak, do so. But do not expect for me, a woman, to take you seriously wearing a pink hat on your head and screaming profanities and bashing men. 

If you have beliefs, and speak to me in a kind matter, I will listen. But do not expect for me to change my beliefs to suit yours. Respect goes both ways. 

If you want to impress me, especially in regards to women, then speak on the real injustices and tragedies that affect women in foreign countries that do not have the opportunity or means to have their voices heard. 

Saudi Arabia, women can't drive, no rights and must always be covered. 

China and India, infantcide of baby girls. 

Afghanistan, unequal education rights. 

Democratic Republic of Congo, where rapes are brutal and women are left to die or HIV infected and left to care for children alone. 

Mali, where women can not escape the torture of genital mutilation. 

Pakistan, in tribal areas where women are gang raped to pay for men's crime. 

Guatemala, the impoverished female underclass of Guatemala faces domestic violence, rape and the second-highest rate of HIV/AIDS after sub-Saharan Africa. An epidemic of gruesome unsolved murders has left hundreds of women dead, some of their bodies left with hate messages. Or the 7 year old girls being sold or married off to 60 year old men, Or the millions of women sold and bought into sex trafficking. 

And that's just a few examples. 

So when women get together in AMERICA and whine they don't have equal rights and march in their clean clothes, after eating a hearty breakfast, and it's like a vacation away that they have paid for to get there...

This WOMAN does not support it.

When death is sudden or expected....

A  butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam ...

    and for a brief moment it’s glory and beauty belong to our world,

                  but then it flies again,

      and though we wish it could have stayed....

          we feel lucky to have seen it.

My friend, Jerry

He was my favorite, thespian! He was the sweetest, kindest, most genuine person that I actually allowed to boss me around!  I never did a production that he wasn’t part of.  And who would want to.  To me he WAS the theatre. There was a small group of us.  Joyce and Rick, Charles, Penny, Vernon and Jerry.  This was my pack.  And the theatre was my happy place.  And I miss them all.

But Jerry.... he was my mentor! He was like a big brother to me even though I never really knew how old he was!  He was such an important person in my life for years while living in Guymon.  He gave me a place I felt like I belonged.  Gave me a creative place to go, and he was just .... supportive of me and my silliness.   In fact, I have been known to say that when I moved from Guymon, he was the person I missed the most!

He ran my lights and did the sound at every play I was in or directed.  He allowed me to be 3rd assistant director for The Sound of Music so I would understand how a musical worked.  He allowed me free creativity on all my shows and never questioned me on the crazy things I requested for my plays... like the time I wanted a disco ball in the middle of the stage for my production of beauty and the beast.... he just stopped what he was doing, looked at me and said:  'A What?"  Then added,  "I can't wait to see what you are going to do with that!"

We spent hours listening to great music like Mannheim Steam Rollers while building sets.  He nicknamed me 'Rave', and everyone in the theatre started to call me that.  I had never had a nick name before, and that alone was awesome!

I remember walking into the the vast opening of the empty theatre... rows of chairs and the huge stage with the heavy curtains in front of me.... and way up high towards the ceiling, I would see  two white legs... dangling from the cat walk.  I would get on to him for doing things like that when no one was there, but he just swatted at me like I was a gnat.

The first time I met him, I was on stage,... with lights in my face, looking out I could see nothing,  He was just a booming voice in the back of the theatre, probably sitting in the last row.  "BE STILL!"  Over the next 10 years of us in productions together he never had to tell me to be still again!  He made THAT impact on me!

He also threatened to bring his gun on more the one occasion and shoot me if I walked in front of his sound booth window again, and teased me about my costumes in Divorce Southern Style, saying it was like watching a fashion show at every performance.  He loved to talk to me ... LOUDLY, over the headsets and get on to me if I forgot to turn it on.  When I had a wreck in the alley hitting the only pole by the theatre, he said... well Rave...that was dumb... but! ... the show must go on!

He cast me as Truvy in Steel magnolias and when he came over to bring me the script I had stuffed two dish towels in my bra and he didn't even notice!   He dumped all my costumes in a 5 gallon bucket of blue paint and called me telling me I better hurry and come get them so I had time to clean them before opening night in less than 7 hours!

He spent hours perfecting my sets, building them as close to Penny's designs as possible.
When I directed the play GREASE in El Reno, I called him and asked if I could borrow the head mics, so he drove up to the city and brought them to me.  He was just such a sweet person.

He butt dialed me a couple months ago and I got so excited to see his name on my phone, but when I answered I heard the background noises.  I called him back, but he didn't answer.  I wish he would have.  I would have loved to have spoken to him one last time.

Guymon lost a great man that cared so much for his community, and I lost a special friend. 
"All the world is a stage and all the men and women merely players!" 
RIP Jerry!  You can break the 4th wall now and take your  final bow!

I don’t always take a selfie, but when I do…

Damn math ruins my life!

Today I am tired.  And Stressed.  

I'm stressed about money... and I'm tired cause I am staying up so late these days!  

WHY!?!

I did 8 months of bank statements in 2 days and it screwed up my bank account!! Usually I do it every 2/3 months but with the new building and being so involved in that... I just put that on the back burner and boy!  It burnt my ass!

 I had to enter all the transactions I forgot about... and there were M A N Y ! ! ! So it made this month way out of whack with my deposits... I'm completely lopsided, and now my purse strings are TIGHT!  

Stressful!

But on the upside I finally figured out what my cushion in my bank account is and lets just say... it's not just a cushion... it's the entire couch, chair, ottoman and a few throw pillows!   

So all I have to do is get over this hurdle (and do my entries on time) and I should be fine!   Damn Math! 

Hard day for Sammi

Sammi must have had a hard day!  She came in for a hug goodbye, her mommy and I started talking, and I look down under my desk and see this....

She had taken off her shoes and sat on the floor all relaxed.  As fast as her little feet go I bet they are sore!

Take the gun!

Dennis and I went out and about today for the first time in months.  He hasn't felt well, or I have been busy with the new building, or the weather was bad...  Always something!  Anyway, hes trying to get his coat on at the door and really struggling with getting his arms in.  It's taking forever, so  I say:

Maybe we should just stay her.

Still struggling to get his arm in a jacket sleeve he looks determined... 
"But... I took a shower!!!


I told him, I want to take my gun with me since were going to the Mall and he adamantly disagrees saying he doesn't want to go anywhere with me if I have a gun.

We get home from the Mall and hear on the news that there was a shooting at the theatre about 2 hours after we left.

Raven: Next time I'm taking my gun!

Dennis: Are you kidding?  That's 2 times in a month!  I'm not going back there!

I am a republican... so there's that...

Couch Potato

My husband has turned into a couch potato.

WTH!!

He has always done so much around the house.  He is up at 4:30 and starts unloading the dishwasher or does a couple loads of laundry.  He cleans the bathrooms (for the most part) and he vacuums the entire house.  He works full time still, but is still always doing busy work.

Then he discovered Netflix... more to the point he discovered Breaking Bad.  This is a 5 season show and each season has about 10 -14 episodes.

I'm talking 62 hours of a show... and he watched them in less then two weeks!  He spend all day watching it and didn't want me to get up and clean!  He even learned to work the apple TV to watch the show!

Then today he came by work and asked me if I wanted to watch El Camino! 

It's cracking me up to see him excited about a show!

Zzzzzzzzz

I didn’t sleep good at all last night!  Booooo!  Today’s not going to be productive at all because I will be spending all my energy just trying to stay awake!

I can to fit through a vent .. you asshole!

Husband is going to die a slow unrelated health death.  While watching Breaking Bad I comment on the fact that "Walt" s always leaving his home when he gets in a tight spot through a vent cover.

I asked

"Is that even possible?!?" Gesturing to the vent in the family room I asked:
"I mean could I just pop that vent cover off and get outside of the house?"

He looked at the vent and then laughing, he said:  "I could!  You can’t!"

WTH 

Trust me when I say... He KNEW he messed up as I turned my back to him to him and started typing on my computer

"What?!? Are you mad at me? What are you typing? Are you blogging?!?  Blank look

What does blogging mean anyway!?

When I continued to ignore him he got cocky..  "I can come over there and you won’t stay mad at me anymore!"

I stopped just long enough to reply:  "Bring a first aid kit with you then,.... cause your gonna need it!!!"

He just laughed and went back to watching Breaking Bad.

The scales are EVEN!

Found out today that we are having a new grand boy!  That will make us even... 4 and 4.  The lady doing the sonogram thought it was a girl... like 85% sure it was a girl.  Then Katie said went back to have her double check and NOPE!  100 % all boy!  I can't wait to meet him!!!  Now for the name!

Oklahoma weather needs to calm down!

It’s hailing in beaver county... is snowing in Woodward... we have chances of tornados this afternoon and snow tomorrow.   It’s January!!!!

Proof Read

I got my printed book of my blog today.  Its a hard back book and so cool!  I designed the cover and had my trademark picture on the front.  I really like it! It was 194 pages!   Who knew I had that much to say!?!  :)  But literally... it is 8 years worth. 

It will be such a cool thing to have for years to come.  So many times I thought I had  accidently deleted my blog... stressed me out TO THE MAX!!!  Now I have the piece of mind that I have a hard copy of it if I ever do delete in on accident. 

However, seeing it in print I have learned a valuable lesson.... PROOF READ! 

A Family of Six

I am an only child.

Not really but I might as well have been.  

All my siblings were into double digits when I was born and by the time I got old enough to socialize with the family they were moving out.  So basically I was raised alone.  I was left to my own devices a lot during family gatherings because what fun is it to have a little sister tag along?  

With me being such a late addition to the family, all my cousins were older too.  I did have some that were around my age, but even at that, they were 3 years older than me. That is a lot when they are preteens and you are a scrawny 10 year old.  I had one cousin one year younger, but he was a boy and we didn't see him as often.  It made family gathers rather boring. I never really felt left out, I just never felt I belonged.

I 'm thinking having close in age siblings in the house as you are growing up is very important.  It really teaches you about life and communication. I think not having that created a lasting effect on my view of relationships.  I am not overly close to anyone in my family.  I love them all.  In my 20's, I was very close to one of my sisters. But the other sister moved moved far away when I was 14 and has never lived close by again.  Relationships take effort and effort requires living close enough to see each other.  

Having no one in the house my age I did not learn to fight or to compromise.  I didn't have to share a lot of things.  No one to really confide in that I could trust and noone to have my back.  I had some great friends, but friends are not like siblings... They can't cover your ass when your trying to sneak in or help you talk your parents into something you really want.  I did learn to be more assertive and to just do what I needed to get something done. This is when I learned it was easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. 

I literally lived at home with my mom and dad and it was just us three most times.  I had friends that I played with all the time and my mom let them stay the night often so my childhood was fun and busy.  I never felt lonely... I just felt like an only child.

My brothers and sisters came over to visit a lot and by the time I was 12, I had a nephew.  It was nice to have a baby in the family that wasn't me!  Soon after I noticed boys and then had boyfriends until they turned into husbands.

I was very close to my parents and my children were very close to them because of that.  I was 46 when my dad passed away and we were all together to view him for the last time and someone said, lets just stay here for a second because this will be the last time it is just the 6 of us.  It was a sobering thought as the last time I remember it being the six of us I was 8. It's still weird to think that we were a family of 6 when I always felt like we are a family of 3.  

When did I get here?

54 years old and done raising kids (for the most part) watching tv in bed with my husband... at 7:30 in the evening!  Dozing off  just trying to wait for the 10 o'clock news!  WTHeck happened?!? 

Cleaning

We got all the Christmas stuff packed away.  It took most of the day and I even took a picture of my house as it sat in shambles with pieces of Christmas all torn apart around it.  There was so happiness or joy in the process, no singing or watching a corney hallmark movie.  It was pure hell! Lol  every year i wonder why i put so much out to start with and then come the next November, I can’t wait to get it all back out again!  It’s like motherhood amnesia!!   As an added bonus ... this year, Dennis wanted ya to organize and clean out all the tubs..... not just the ones labeled “Christmas”.  So 

What's in a name anyway?

I haven't been called Rinkydink in over 8 years.  That was the name my dad use to call me.  But what’s in a name?  Something I’ve been called all your life, a term of endearment that no one else called you but you know it’s the very essence of who you are...

... or who you use to be.

It’s sad that we only appreciate such things when we have no idea it won’t last forever.  For me, I was called that for 46 years.  It's weird to know I exist in a world that he is no longer a part of.  But to remember the name I was once called with love and affection means more to me then he would have ever guessed.

Are you Serious?

I am absolutely floored by the audacity of people who quit a job without a notice... any job...  and then ASK FOR FAVORS! 

Stop it! 
Move on!
You're not my problem anymore and your problems are not my problems! 
I'm not your bank, your momma or the fixer of all things! 

WTF are you thinking!?!? 

If you find yourself in a sticky spot because you have no money... it's called KARMA BITCH!

WTF are you thinking!?!?

I am absolutely floored by the audacity of people who quit a job without a notice... any job... not just employment with me, and then ASK FOR FAVORS!  Stop it!  Move on! You're not my problem anymore and your problems are not mine!   I'm not your bank, your momma or your fixer of all things!  If you find yourself in a sticky spot because you have no money... it's called KARMA BITCH!

I’m not gonna sugar coat the truth, I’m not Willy Wonka

My blog is of the raw nature. It's the truth of what I feel.  It's not the bane of my existence or anything, but it is meant to be a safe haven to express feelings.  Sometimes they might be feelings of anger even though, I am mostly a happy person posting silly insignificant thoughts...it's nice to know when I'm not... I have an outlet so I don't have stress related issues.  Stress is hard on the body and the older you get... the less you need to deal with it. 

Life's too short ya know...

Christmas Fun

We celebrate on Christmas eve.  This year the weather was so nice we got to enjoy some outdoor fun too.  After we ate our traditional meal... Subway sandwiches, and opened our presents, Tanner started a fire in our fire pit and we made s'mores.  The kids loved that and enjoyed running in the yard.  Earlier they we all very interested in the Ninja turtle house... (We have a sewer in our backyard that Katie painted to look like the shell of the ninja turtles)...  They knocked on the door but I told them they must be gone for Christmas. I think they will remember this Christmas... I remember 10 years ago when it was a blizzard and we lost powers at mom and dads. And this year we are outside in Jammie's making s'mores!  Crazy Oklahoma weather.