Some of my Favorite people! Easter 2024

Can Bug Spray kill a Cyclops?

I was peacefully writing in my hut when Dennis burst in holding a tissue with a tiny squashed bug.

Dennis: Look what I found on the kitchen floor.

Furrowing my brow....

Raven: What is it? An ant?

Dennis: No! It's a Cyclops!

Raven: A What?!

Dennis: It's a Cyclops!

As he showed me the tiny insect, squished on the tissue, I stared at him.

Raven: Dennis, it's just an ant.

Dennis: I'm getting the bug spray.

Cheap MF

Watching a show with Matthew where there was a funeral......

Raven:  Matthew, I want to be buried at sunset. 

Matthew:  I bet you got to pay extra for sunset services cause everything is closed.

Raven: I don't care if it cost more money. Don't let dad bury me at 10 in the morning.  I hate mornings!

Matthew: No, he will bury you at 8 in the morning because it's probably cheaper. The Early bird special!

Bladder Issues Discovered

Struggling with bladder issues? You're not alone. Doctors often rely on guesswork due to the lack of diagnostic tests for these symptoms, leading to misdiagnosis' and ineffective treatments like Botox.

Frustrated, I turned into Dr. Google and self-diagnosed myself after almost 2 years of research:

Overactive Bladder caused by Low estrogen and Red Dye

For me, low estrogen and red dye were the culprits. Think about your diet when symptoms started. Narrow down problematic foods based on when symptoms began. Red dye can really irritate your bladder and found in a lot of food. All Dyes are terrible for our body and only legal in the USA.

Menopause can also bring unexpected challenges like increased urination due to estrogen depletion. If sudden bladder issues arise... and nearing menopause - consider estrogen levels. Low estrogen affects urethra positioning. Also, focus on pelvic floor muscles. Feeling overly relaxed down there? Do Kegels.

I went to my doctor and got estrogen inserts and cut out food, bodywash, shampoos, lotions and make up with dyes in it. (surprisingly it isn't that hard to do.) The estrogen took about 2 weeks to notice a change and 4 months to make a difference with the plumping up my lady bits, and the bladder started to heal from the inflammation after about 4 weeks of no dyes. I also drink around 36 - 52 ounces of water a day oppose to the 8 - 24 oz I had been drinking. Flushing out the bladder really helps it heal.

Also, it is important to understand that not all Overactive Bladder cases involve wetting or urgency to reach the bathroom immediately; in fact 67% of people with OAB have OAB-Dry. This is where you feel the urge and frequency, but can wait to go without wetting yourself.

(Sidebar: they say that Botox wears off in 6 months.... mine did not for over 8 and my bladder still does not work like it did before the botox. and it's been 2 years. I would never recommend bladder botox as I believe it damages nerves and the organ itself.)

I’m not gay. But I love people and their life stories matter even if it’s not like mine. Romance is romance.

If I were a tree.....

One a trip back from Red River one year.  Tanner was lazily looking out the window and enjoying the passing scenery.  He saw a big lone cottonwood tree out in the middle of a field.  

Tanner:  Look at that tree.  If I were a tree, I would want to be that one.  Left alone, plenty of room to grow,  providing shade for cows..... that's a nice tree.

Then he looked at me and asked.  

Tanner:  Mom,  what kind of tree do you think you would be?

Without even waiting for me to answer Dennis chimed in

Dennis:  She'd be a cactus!

My mother, the President

My mom is living her best life in an assisted-living community. She's basically the queen bee, having landed the gig of resident president. It sounds fancy, right? Her main job is to be the voice of the people, bringing every little grievance to the staff's attention. Except, here's the twist - she's really not into the whole 'complaint department' vibe. Instead, she's all about turning complaints into reasons for a fiesta.

Why fuss, she argues? In her eyes, the place is practically utopia. They cook for her, clean for her, even mop and sparkle up the bathroom - it's like living in a hotel that you never have to check out of. There's entertainment on tap, and should anything dare to break, it's fixed in a jiffy. "What's there to gripe about?"

However........ my mom does have one beef - and it's not with the service. Nope, it's with a fellow resident she finds less than delightful. This lady apparently missed the memo on being kind and Oh, the drama unfolded like a scene right out of a daytime soap opera!

Picture this: This lady made the classic mistake of crossing words about one of my mom's children.... That's right, they poked the mama bear and the ladies at my mom's table - you know, her loyal squad - had to practically form a human barrier to prevent a full-on "lights out" scenario. My mom, being the queen of sass and class, delivered a comeback so epic, not anything like: "hold-my-earrings" but more of a explanation on how my mom was going to knock her dentures out of her head. This lady could do nothing but retreat. She scurried away, tail between her legs.

A few sunsets later, this lady waltzes back into the drama, toting a big ol' apology in her hand. My mom, in a move that could only be described as classic her, accepts the apology. Then the lady wanted to know if they could now be friends now and my moms response was a hard NO! She basically said, "Look, honey, I've seen how you treat the folks here, and it's not pretty. Rudeness is a friendship deal-breaker for me!"

Moral of the story? My mom might not be running around fixing the world's problems (or even the minor inconveniences of her living community), but don't cross her family, or you'll get a candid piece of her mind. It's comedic gold – a sitcom episode in the making.

My mom, ladies and gentlemen, the non-complaining, party-loving, straight-talking president of her assisted living place.

Mom Shaming...

Have we reached a parenting low, or is it just me? Moms are too busy perfecting their fake lashes and scrolling through social media to hear their kids' cries. Dare to point this out, and they play the "offended" card, labeling you a mom shamer! Is telling the truth about harmful parenting now off-limits? Does "mom-shaming" shield moms from taking responsibility when their actions harm their children? While some worry about borders and politics, I'm fretting over the silent victims of struggling mothers who are missing the mark on motherhood!

Moms have found a sneaky loophole in parental duties – handing an iPad or game remote to keep the kids entertained. The fridge might be packed with sugary, preservative-loaded snacks, but are kids learning how to socialize? As moms aim for TikTok stardom, their kids might end up in a sugar-induced coma. Screens have become babysitters, leaving no space for real conversations. Are children being raised or simply tolerated? We already know the answer. That's what's sad.