My GPS is on Crack!

I am not a traveler.  I would like to be, but sadly, not the case.  I did have a plan though.  An idea so crazy and wild that I can't believe I actually did it.... I bought a Garmin! 

I was so excited to get one because it would give me some freedom to travel in the big city in which I live without depending on my loving husband to get off his ass and take me places... Plus he never seemed to want to take me to Hobby Lobby or Places where "I spend money"!

As good as this plan was however, my Garmin got old.  As fast as our town was growing in the last 2 years since I purchased her, she became outdated. She became CA-ranky and stubborn. She couldn't even find her way home anymore, damn thing! Personally, I think she is menopausal!

Because she was a whopping $50.00 on Black Friday where I snagged her at 6:00 am......  We looked into possibly getting a "map update". It would cost roughly $99 to update her... basically the cost of a new one and let's face it.... Why fix it when you can get a BRAND NEW ONE!!!!!  One that has a bigger screen, better graphics, more options!  But Dennis, being the frugal man that he is... didn't see the point!  Why do you always burst my bubble DC!

So last week I go to Midwest City for an appointment... I type in the address of my destination and head out on the highway.  I get about 3/4 way there.. crusin down I40 listening to '50 Shades of Grey' on my kindle and BAM!... I run into construction..  I can not turn where she is telling me too.. because there is NO ROAD and the GPS freaks out!!!  I look down at the screen in a panic and my car looks like it is flying over gray nothingness!!!  She starts yelling at me: RECALCULATING...RECALCULATING And then wanted me to make a U turn!  IN THE MIDDLE OF I40!  She is so old and outdated, could not figure an alternative route!  She had no idea there was construction there and was flustered!  Finally she told me to sod off and I was on my own!  Why does she hate me???  So, I got out my IPhone, which I hate to use for this purpose bacause it is ass backwards...  and found my destination with little time to spare. 

When I was done with my appointment, I went straight to walmart and bought a brand new GPS.  One that was not menopausal.  My new one was calm, cool and collected... knew where all the construction was, helped me avoid it and knew exactly where we lived!  Money well spent!

Don't. Feel. Good. UGH!

Comic Relief? Or Divorce Court...

How many people does it take to hide the cords behind the TV?

Three! 

And apparently it also requires the assistance of two growling dogs that have the run of a 2000 sq ft house and a doggie door that takes them to the great outdoors whenever they choose... yet they that pick that moment and that room, and better yet under that ladder I am standing on..... to fight over a stick!

I dropped the Wii and the DVD player... Yep!  They both hit the floor, crushing a candle into millions of pieces, on a floor that I had just swept!  Apparently, or according to the... know-it-all Dennis, the cords which I wrapped, where too tight and couldn't reach the proper plug-ins!!  Suck my big toe Dennis!

Through it all - Dennis only holds the front of the TV with both hands saying, "It's gotta sit flat!  It's gotta sit flat!" (talking about the cable box).  Matthew kept leaving the room and we would have to say... "MATTHEW!  Come here! We're not done!"  And he would whine about how he was trying to "clean his room"!  *Side note... I told him to clean it YESTERDAY and he didn't... now when I need his help his excuse was... "You told me to clean my room!"  OMG!!!

Finally, after Dennis redos my 'screwed-up-wrapped-up-cord-job'... we get the TV back up, and as Matthew and I are trying to plug the 40,000 cords back where they go to make sure everything is working..... Dennis says, "It' isnt' in the middle!  It's gotta go to the left!"  We say okay just a minute we are still plugging stuff in... But ignoring us he repeats it like 5 times!!!  Then he didnt' like the DVD player where it was.  (it has always been right there....)  "That looks hillbilly!"  he says.  At the breaking point and not at my best moment I say "Your MOM's a hillbilly!"  and he is like ... "Don't talk about my momma!"  :)

So, I start to clean up all the mess we have made during this adventure and I have cut wire, cut zip ties, a screw (?), okay, I honestly have no idea where that came from.... and candle shavings that got crushed when I dropped the Will on it... and as I am going to the trash with my hand full of this shhhh....er....stuff, -  Dennis wants to make sure I am not throwing anything good away that he can possible use again!  So... feeling aggravated because I obviously know the difference between trash and not trash items, I dumped it all on the island. He picked through it and said... yeah.. it's all trash and then walked away without putting it in the trash! UGH!!!

I haven't watched TV the rest of the night!

Someone understands me!!

I was so excited when I read this.  I dont' know how they knew this stuff and I am not even sure if others are as 'right on' as my sign is, but this is scary on point for me!   It makes me feel like it is okay to be how I am.  The emotional part was right on and I HATE to be tied down.  I am a free agent.  So weird that nothing that was written contradicts my personality!
http://zodiac-signs-astrology.com/zodiac-signs/aquarius.htm

Cranky Old Man.....

 

What do you see nurses? . . .. . .What do you see?
What are you thinking .. . when you're looking at me?
A cranky old man, . . . . . .not very wise,
Uncertain of habit .. . . . . . . .. with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food .. . ... . . and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice . .'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice . . .the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . .. . . A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not . . . ... lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . .The long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking?. .Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse .you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am . . . . .. As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, .. . . . as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten . .with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters .. . . .. . who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen . . . .. with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now . . .. . . a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty . . . ..my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows .. .. .that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now . . . . .I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty . .. . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . .. With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons .. .have grown and are gone,
But my woman is beside me . . to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more, .. ...Babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me . . . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future ... . . . . I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing .. . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . . And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man . . . . . . .. and nature is cruel.
It's jest to make old age . . . . . . . look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles .. .. . grace and vigour, depart.
There is now a stone . . . where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass . A young man still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells
I remember the joys . . . . .. . I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . . . . . life over again.
I think of the years, all too few . . .. gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, people .. . . . .. . . open and see.

Not a cranky old man .
Look closer . . . . see .. .. . .. .... . ME!!

Where is the Limit?

This is a true statement.  But when does reality kick in.  You want your children to succeed in all that they try.  In all that they want to do,  dream to do, ATTEMPT to do... but at some point it has nothing to do with ability, education or self-esteem... but with reality. 

How do you allow anyone that you love to place themselves on a destructive path just for the sake of a dream.  How do you allow anyone you love to make choices that will end with regret and with discontentment.  As a parent, I was always my kids biggest fan.  I wanted my children to be in everything and to to enjoy it all.  I remember telling my oldest son that his life couldnt' be all about football and sports, so I made him (and yes I use the word MADE correctly) be in a play.  I also bought him a quitar and encourage music.  Point is, I didn't want my kids to put it all in one basket!  Self Esteem is important, but so is teaching reality.  So is teaching them that they can do anything they want, but because of powers beyond their control they might not achieve those goals and need to have a back up plan.... or make new goals. 

I am reminded of all the awards that kids get in sports today.  Everyone gets an award cause no one needs to feel left out. Am I wrong in thinking that we as parents need to keep it real so our kids aren't looking at thier future like it is owed to them?  I worry about that. 

Butterfly

My heart is heavy for a family I know tonight.  Such saddeness should not have to be endured from a mother, a father, brothers and sisters or grandparents. Parents should not have to lose a child.  The order of life should be in stone. 

A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam
And for a brief moment its glory
and beauty belong to our world
But then it flies again
And though we wish it could have stayed . . .
We feel lucky to have seen it.

Many Faces of Me

Running into People you know....

Use to,  I couldn't go anywhere without running into 20 people I knew.  Sometimes it would take me hours to run errands because of this. Not that I didn't love to run into my friends or chat it up... cause I love to chat it up! But it caused me to forget stuff and it took me for ever to catch up to my day.

When we moved to OKC, I didn't have that problem.  At first it was nice to go somewhere and get my stuff done without the distractions. And I saved time and rarely forgot to get something cause my mind was on task. 

In the last week I have ran into one person who I never thought I would run into again in my life... Like literally of all the people to run into... that was freaky!  I ran walked into Hobby Lobby and saw a fried from Guymon at the check out. Then I ran into 2 different people I knew from Yukon at Target and another person at 7-11.

Friday, we went to see the Baseball game in Bricktown.  *side note* Not as exciting as watching NBA action or nowhere near the noise level in the OKC THUNDER arena, but still lots of fun in the great outdoors! 

We sat on the lawn at first where I devoured a hot dog (no baseball game is complete without a dog) and saw a cool firework show behind right field after the game.  As we leave, I hear my name... which is odd... not my name -  just hearing it in a crowd in OKC.. so I turn around to see a Shelly... a friend from Guymon!  We visit for a minute and then after we say our goodbyes, I hear my name again... which is even MORE odd, because this is twice now... it was one of my co workers from YHS!  We gave a hug, introduced spouses, talked shop and then went about our way. 

I like starting to run into friends again.

The Stick - Belsons Dream come true...

Belson, aka Belly, loves his sticks!  We usually get him a package and they last about a month and he wants one every day.  We know when it is time... not only does he start "Jonesin'" but he gets up in your face and starts whining... we can tell the signs and probably should seek a rehab for him and this addiction, yet we, being the suppliers that we are... go to the cabinet where he closely watches us pull out a stick and just before his tail falls completely off from the excitement... we throw it and he is in heaven... or under the couch growling... same place when a stick is involved.

ANYWAY... Dennis and I thought it would be funny to get him a really BIG stick...One he couldnt' possibly ever be able to eat... and it has proven to be a great source of entertainment for us for a week now.  He can't pick it up... so he drags it everywhere... in his bed, under our bed, on top of our bed, in our closet, under the table,  at the doggie door... (he can't seem to figure out how to drag it out that dang thing) and in the middle of the living room floor where I trip over it.  STUPID STICK! 

At any rate here is pictures of Belson and his new friend... "The Stick"!

Best of Both Worlds

My builder called me today with an exciting proposel.  He has offered to buy the land, build the building that I want and let me lease it for at least 2 years.  This would mean all I have to do is buy the equipment!  WOW!  In two years I could buy the daycare and only have to pay 10% down... If we decide to go this route, I will still work for the school and offer my daughter the directors job and have her run the center.  She has done it for 6 years... she can totally do it!  I could have the best of both worlds!

Thunder Rolls

I ran to Homeland to pick up a few things for dinner tonight and while I was there the song "Thunder Rolls" was playing.  I found it ironic for some reason.  Maybe the fact that as I was picking out fresh vegetables and the sprinkler system that sits over the produce section started thundering warning the shopper that it was fixing to spray the produce,  or the fact that Garth Brooks was singing the song and I was in Yukon, his home town... the fact that  we are OKC thunder... or the fact that it actually is thundering outside!

Settling In

In the words of Annie Warbucks:  "I think I'm going to like it here!" 

Yukon is always where I wanted to hang my hat.  In 1979 at the tender, yet impressionable age of 14,  I came for a Czech festival with my dad and his band and while here, I saw boys!  Lots of them!  I remember thinking even the fat boys were cute!  Since then I knew I was destined to live here. 

However, even though I wanted to move here, and have never regretted the decision to move here... it has been a little disconcerting to give up one way of life, in search of another.  And although many do it... it is more difficult to do while you are coming to terms with other changes in your live such as an 'empty nest'.  However, in that regard I am learning to love the idea of Dennis and I being a couple. Having never really had to time to "date" before we blended families and became parents together.  We know are dating, and I find that refreshing and fun.  I kinda like him!

With the start of my new job... a job that I wanted since before I moved here, I think I am finally settling in and growing some roots.  I think I'm going to like it here.   

Retiring from owning and operating a daycare at such an early age has given me the opportunity to recycle myself.  I am looking forward to seeing what else I can excel at!

I am a turtle.... on steroids

Ahhhhh my last day of steroids.... Happy dance...

Outside, my shell is sleepy and slow.  It wants to rest in a quiet place and cuddle with soft blankets and sleep with the distant humming of a fan set on high.

Inside, my body is full of bursting energy!  I have thoughts that string from one topic to another in a way that it couldn't possibly make sense to a normal person.  For instance,

"Where is my little green ipod, I haven't seen that in a while. It has crappy songs on it anyway.. . Oh I have brownies I bought them yesterday!  So excited to eat one later....  where is my book, I have to get that for my work out, but I will have to find my shoes.   I forgot to use my coupon.  Maybe I can go get some new pants..." 

This is how my brain flows.... EVERYDAY... and this is the stuff that I hear at 4 a.m while I am trying to go to sleep!! 

Yep... so glad this was my last day of steroids!..... Happy dance!

Believe it or Not....

So I write... I know you can't tell by my babbling on here, but there.. I said it.. I write. 
To prove it, I will share the poem I have published.

Sprinkles of Gray

Sprinkles of gray that cover over me,

won't lay to rest the black of darkness

won't come to pass.

Dark circkles in my mind,

the light that flashes bright,

Can't hid the fog of disaster...

in the words that love might.

Phases of laughter that's loud and painful

sees the gray on my soul

touches me gently

turning it to gold.

Moist tears that fall from my eyes

to be replace by happy times

and gray filled days shall come to pass

with no bitter lies.

Copywrite © 2001 An Eternity of Bliss
The international Library of Poetry

At any rate, I have a romance book written and ready. (I actually have several) My problem is how to get it to a publisher.  It is 363 pages and has over 80,000 words.  I had a publisher tell me she was interested in it and told me some changes to make... she told me to take it seriously and take my time with it even if that took months... so about 3 months later after I made all the changes - that made it more juicy -  I took it back to her, but she had left the agency and I can't find her.  So I know SOMEONE was interested in it.  So that leaves me with.... TOO MUCH RED TAPE...Which is why I have thought to just print it myself.  Seeing it in print might just be exciting enough... however, I might pound the pavement for a bit..

Introducing

"Love by Choice"

     ~  Sometimes love is not a choice.  In fact, it oftentimes is messy, complicated, and very inconvenient or even, unexpected.  Lord John Sallanger never thought he would meet the girl of his dreams laughing in the middle of a mud puddle during one of the most prominent balls in Southampton. 

     Struggling with a tumultuous past relationship and his responsibilities to his family business, Lord Sallanger is a hardworking, self-made man. He has never had any trouble with finding escorts for himself, but when Aubrey Harrison, an independent farm girl from Wyoming, drops into the world of Southampton high society, Lord Sallanger can’t seem to take his eyes off of the American beauty.  He is enamored and intrigued by her, for she is unique in looks, attitude, and spirit than the snobbish women he has been surrounded with for his lifetime—and she is completely off limits, making her all the more desirable to him.

    Even though Aubrey will only be there for one season, a friendship that is created out of guilt draws them into a romance that even an ocean between them can’t destroy.  Jealousy, deceitfulness, and unknown family secrets meant to destroy them only knit them closer together, changing them both in the process.  In the end, they must make a choice to accept fate or create their own… and along the way, the advice of a few drunken friends never hurts! ~

Just wanted to put that out there.

Look Ma! No Hands!!!!!

In the words of Kris Keller, "Well..., well..., well!" 

I think my life might unfold a little more neatly now.  I was worried there for a minute! Long story short... I will not be opening a center (as of now anyway).  I got hired on at Yukon High School as the counselor's secretary and I am ESTACITIC about it.  I feel like the kid that wants everyone to see what I can do!!!

Before we moved here, I researched the schools in the area and it didn't take me long to realize where I wanted my son to go to school.  I started subbing so I could somewhat have the same schedule as Matthew.  I know he is older, but that is when the supervision SHOULD NOT STOP! lol I have always been very hands on with my kids, (Duh... daycare...) and I wasn't going to stop now. 

We had first talked about me not working at all until he graduated.  But I tried that.... I CAN NOT not work!  I have discovered that apparently I get very depressed and need to keep busy and feed my mind and my body lots of busy thoughts and energy, or I get into trouble! 

So now, I am blessed to get to work at the High School where my son will be at every day....with really great people that I worked with all last year and with a bunch of kids!!!  I love kids!!!!  Plus.... wait for it.... I get summers off, a spring break... Christmas break... weekends... and days in between!  My kind of job!!  Oh and I will be home by 4 every day!  WOOT WOOT!

Rainy Days and Mondays.... Hits home doesn't it?

"Talking to myself and feeling old.... Sometimes I'd like to quit, nothing ever seems to fit.  Hanging around nothing to do but frown... Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.

What I got they use to call the blues; nothing is really wrong, feeling like I don't belong. Walking around some kind of lonely cloud... Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.

What I feel as come and gone before, no need to talk it out, we know what it's all about.  Hanging around nothing to do but frown, rainy days and Monday always get me down."

This song pretty much described my well being over the last couple of months.  I think it is important that we all realize we all go through times of stress, depression, and feeling unsure about ourselves, our choices, and our future. 

But with facebook we also feel inadequate about ourselves in the face of others that seem to have their lives so well put together.  Truth is, none of us do.  We post pictures of a moment in one of our days, but it is not our life.  We can't judge our lives and our purpose of life on someone’s picture snapped in a moment.  

Someone might need a friend or a shoulder to lean on and know that they are not alone in how they feel, and that it is okay to let their guard down and allow themselves that time of healing without feeling inadequate or that they don't measure up! 

Remember to count your blessing... recounts are okay, and always keep it real.

Mid Life Crisis

Well... is this it?  Is this a mid life crisis?  I'm not digging it if it is.   I have been a little stressed about what it is I am suppose to be doing with my life now that my kids are grown up.  Empty nest or not... my life has forever changed. 

My career choice, even with doing daycare has been to be a mom.  However, with the move of my family and the location of my daycare, it was nesseccary to sell my business. 

Now I sit with a problem of what to do with my days while everyone else is working.  It is an adjustment to say the least to have nothing to do, and my A.D.D personality will have none of it.  I miss the daycare.  I miss the kids and the business of it.  I miss the stress if you can believe that and I miss being needed.

I have had advice on this matter from friends and I realize it isn't just me going through this sucky stage... it is all people who are facing adult children moving away from home.   Doesn't make it any easier.