Omg did I just delete my blog!!!!!!!

Christmas blues... My boy needs to move home

I miss my boy every day but holidays are harder,  I miss how he would sit by the tree for hours trying to figure what that ONE present was, asking me question after question.  When he was 15 I bought him his first guitar but didn't put it under the tree.  I knew if I wrapped it he would manhandle it like all the other presents that were his under the tree.  He spent HOURS driving me nuts trying to figure out not only where I hid it but what it is that I HAD to hide it.  He would ask:  "Is it bigger than a bread box?  Can I take it places?  Will it fit in a toaster!?  Can I put it in my pocket?"   I told him you can take it on the roof if you want!  He was stumped! But so excited to see what I got him,  He has always loved to get gifts and no matter what they were , he thanked you for them and appreciated them.   I  haven't got to see him open gifts for the last two years, nor do I get the build up before hand with the 20 question games!   I also miss how he hung around the kitchen for hours as I prepared the meal.  and telling him the olives and the eggs where for DINNER!  And believe it or not, I really miss him aggravating his siblings.  I hope this is the last Christmas I have to be away from him.

Now what?

How can something so insignifantly small be the last straw in a hay stack full of straws?  I don't hear a climax of music or feel a triumph of victory.  There isn't even a "ah huh!" Moment.  There is just realization that this is not my path.  And I want more.   

Things I don’t get

I know I am getting old (er) but there are some things that I don’t get…  like:

1     Why do women draw on their eyebrows…AND why do they draw them so high and arched?
2     Why do they put so many handi capped parking spaces in the parking lot…they get further from the main entrance… doesn’t that defeat the purpose?
3     Why do we have insurance if we still have to pay the bill?
4     Why have a fire place if the heat goes up and doesn’t heat the house?
5     Why have NINE traffic lights within 2 miles?
6     What is the REAL purpose of golf???
7     Why have a job if you never go to work?

The Journey

 Love.  Accept.  Look.  Enjoy.

Love what you have now.  Accept who you are now.  Take time to look around and realized who was beside your when you were on that road to getting there, and Enjoy the ride because basically that is all we have at the end of it all… the journey.

After all, life is really simple; we ourselves create the circumstances that complicate it.

Nothing is Missing

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.
~ Lily Tomlin


If life isn’t what you thought it was going to be;  or if you thought you would be in a different place in the grand scheme of things then you are right now; or if you just thought you would feel differently about something once you made it there… then you are not alone. It seems that we all rush to “be” or “become” something or someone only to find at the finishing line we are not fulfilled.  The true ticket to success is to  love who we are regardless.  Then maybe wherever we are in our life… it won’t seem like we are missing something.

Attitude Check... How do ya feel???

Attitude Check!

You are not the center of everyone’s universe.  You need to remember that the world will not revolve around you.  You might have something happen to you that is important or traumatic or life changing, but that does not mean that it will affect other people in your life the same way.  You cannot expect people to always be your salvation.  You need to developed your own strength and not condemn those around you who are living their own lives. It makes you look sad and very self absorbed.  It also cause alienation from people that could or would otherwise be best used for other areas in your life.  So no, the world does not revolve around you, and the sooner you get that in life… the better you will live it!

This Is Not The End..... (I'm digging this song)

"Waiting For The End"


This is not the end, this is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone and the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady something empty’s within them
We say yeah with fists flying up in the air
Like we’re holding onto something that’s invisible there
Cause we’re living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we dead it, forget it, let it all disappear

Waiting for the end to come
Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It’s out of my control
Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It’s hard to let you go

I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I want to do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven’t got

Sitting in an empty room
Trying to forget the past
This was never meant to last
I wish it wasn’t so

I know what it takes to move on
I know how it feels to lie
All I want to do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven’t got


What was left when that fire was gone
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong
All caught up in the eye of the storm
And trying to figure out what it’s like moving on
And I don’t even know what kind of things I said
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead
So I’m picking up the pieces, now where to begin
The hardest part of ending is starting again


All I want to do
Is trade this life for something new
Holding on to what I haven’t got
I’m holding on to what I haven’t got
I’m holding on to what I haven’t got


This is not the end, this is not the beginning
Just a voice like a riot rocking every revision
But you listen to the tone and the violent rhythm
Though the words sound steady something empty’s within them
We say yeah with fists flying up in the air
Like we’re holding onto something that’s invisible there
Cause we’re living at the mercy of the pain and the fear
Until we dead it, forget it let it all disappear

Stop Bumping Me Mister!

Last night I tried to cuddle with Dennis while watching the election results. I call it 'cuddling' he called it 'wallering'... (Like that's even a word)!  Anyway, Every time I got really comfortable he would bump me away.  

After three or more times I said:  ugh! Stop that!! I just love you so much!

He said: I love you too!! Now go away!  This is my quiet time.

Gotta love 20 years together!

The Losers on my Couch

When I say "Couch", I mean... in my vicinity.  And when I say vicinity..., I mean people I deal with on a regular basis.  These people that are on my "couch" need a job.  

They need to get up... get dressed... and get a job.  

They have bills to pay and things to do, and have no time for thier sickness or listening to their pettiness. Aka thier stupidity.....

Stupidity to understand the rules are not basis for getting their way.  No, it means you need to know the rules.  They are in place to keep your ass off my couch.  

So if you are sitting on my couch... you need to get with the program, because I am fixing to clean house!  

Buyah!

Life Is Happening Right In Front Of You!

Yesterday I went to the fair.  It baffles me how many people that go together, I thought for spending time with each other, actually don't!  Every person in the group on thier cell phone!  Walking into things or tripping over things because their head is down.  I saw them get seperated from each other too. So sad.  People need to know while looking down, life is happening right in front of you.  If you would rather spend your day with the people you are texting, then have THEM go to the fair with you and leave the ones your ignoring at home.  They probably have better things to do, and better company they can keep....then to spend the day with you if all your going to do is ignor them by being on your phone!

I Could have Lost A Limb!!

I went to the Doc's office last week because I had a mole that itched and then stung when I scratched it.  I hate moles.. they are pesky little wart like wanna-be's!
I get in fairly quickly which is not normal.  Usually there is a long wait.  When I get back to the room my doctor comes is like right away with the big gun.  I am getting excited thinking that I can get rid of some of these things,  however, she looks at my mole and says ... "hmmm  I don't know what that is!"

Me: "Really?  Your a doctor,  your suppose to know what this is."

Doc: "No I will cut it out and send it off to have a biopsy done to it."

Okay wait... what?  Where's the gun?  Use the gun!
Me:  "So basically it is slow today and you are bored?"

Doc:  "Yeah I need to make more money today and you have insurance right?"
She goes on to explain,  "What I will do is make a small incision and cut it out and then stitch you up.

She leaves and comes back with a shot.
Doc:  "I am going to numb the area in here, and then take you to the procedure room."

Me: "You expect me to walk after you give me a numbing shot?"

Doc: "It's only going to numb your shoulder."
So she tells me... "This shot is gonna sting."

Well that makes no sense!  Give me a shot so I don't feel anything but the shot is going to sting? What kind of rinkydink outfit are you running here!?!?!

After she SLOWLY gives me this stinging shot... which I think she rather enjoyed... she has me walk
to the "Procedure room" where she hands me a clipboard  with a piece of paper on it.
Doc: "Here sign this. It basically says you can lose your life, but allows me to do this anyway."

Oh!!  Is that all!  Where's the pen?!?!

I hold my arm sleeve out of her way and I guess she cuts on my arm.  Apparently the stinging shot works, cause I really couldn't feel anything.

Then I hear her say... "Well crap!  Stupid me!"

This is NOT something I really want to hear when someone is cutting on my arm, especially if I can't feel it.  I could be losing a limb right now and not even know it!!!

Me: "What?"

Doc: "I set the tool I need down over there when I wasn't done with it."

Me: "Can't you reach it?"

Doc: "Yes, but now it isn't sterile."

Me: "Well... I did sign that paper....."

Doc:  "True!....."

I tell her that I had not come to the doctor to be cut on.  And that I had not had stitches since I was a new born.  So I would like a lot of stitches... so I can play the sympathy card all day and get stuff done for me at home. :)

Doc: "How many do you want?"

Me: "Twenty two!"

Doc: "I can give you three!"

Me: "Okay!  That'll work!"

I get to go next week to get the stitches out and find out the results.  Then I hope to have her remove more of these pesky things with a gun this time!!

Some Parents are Stupid! And You Can't Fix Stupid!

This post is dedicated to this article.  http://moms.popsugar.com/Should-You-Teach-Kids-Share-27333250

Its ridiculous is what it is. This woman's views are to teach kids to take care of number one! That no one else matters. Don''t worry about hurting someones feelings. I would never allow my child to ride around in a community toy car and not say.. "ok, lets play with something else so we give another little boy a chance to play in this one". She is teaching her child to be selfish! now I do see if it is YOURS and you brought it to the park to play with, but if you are going to meet friends there, bring extra! I do agree that children should learn the world does not revolve around them, but the kid that is learning that is the kid that doesnt'' get to play with the toy. The kid that has the toy thinks the world DOES revolve around him. At home you dont'' have t share your toys, but when you are at a daycare, you should because they are not YOUR toys. There are steps to teaching children things, and sharing is one you learn at an early age. Get real... this lady has LOST IT!

When we took Matthew to the derby when he was little.. he always brought a crap ton of cars to bang into each other... his little friend brought a crap ton too. Between the action the boys would sit and play with their cars. Now if Matthew didnt'' bring any toys, Tay would have shared. Its just common curtesy. And I have allowed several people to borrow all kinds of things from me. I was taught to share as a young girl... so now, I want to help others when they need it. That is what sharing teaches you. It is a BASE step for compassion.  It just teaches children to be nice to one another and to treat them the way they want to be treated.

Stink Eye Received

Dennis turns the freaking channel just as I sit down to watch TV.    he does this all the time and all weekend he has pretty much had control of the TV.  But this time, I give him the stink eye

Dennis:  "What?"

Me:  "Hey!  I was watching that!"

Dennis:  "Yah.. 'Was".   I was just flipping through channels waiting for my show to come back on."

Me:  "You always do that!  You can't control all the TV's in the house."

Dennis:  "Yes I can!  This is my castle."

*Insert another stink eye here*

Me:  "It's not just YOUR castle....."

Dennis:  "But I am the King!"

Me:  "Well, I am the Queen."

Dennis:  "Exactly!  You come in second to the King!"

Why Are Their Bodies In The River???

Our Group before climbing up 7 stories of stairs...

I have a bucket list. There are things on this list that I will never be able to do, cause let's face it... I'm a poor white girl!   But when I do find things on that list that I CAN do... I should do them, right?

I am afraid of heights.  So why would one of my bucket lists be Zip Lining?  Cause I'm Retarded, that's why!

I saw my friend's pictures of her and her husband zip lining in Colorado and I instantly was jealous!


Raven:  "Why don't we do that?"

Dennis:  "Because we are smart!"

I find out there is a zip line place in OKC... how I missed this I will never know, but I began my tirade of bugging the crap out of Dennis until he said he would take me.  Mind you, he did not say he would do it.  Only that he would take me.  But in reality, I DID need someone to hold my shit and take pictures.  Thanks Dennis for being a chicken!  If he wasn't going to go then I had to enlist others.  It's no fun to experience these things alone.  Plus I needed someone up there to talk me into actually doing it!  So I asked our neighbors and our daughter and her fiance to come with me.  They were all up for the challenge!

The first part of the journey is walking up to the zip line which is like 80 ft up in the air.  And the steps are on the outside so it is like 14 stories step wise.  I have to stop and rest a few times, taking in the view, which was beautiful, but there was no railings and the higher I got the more freaked out it made me to be close to the edge.  I became a pole hugger!  Not my prouder moments!

Anyway, I get to the top and I am third in line with our group.  Ben keeps trying to hang over the edge and it stressed me out!  I threatened to spank him a few times which had no effect on him what so ever.  He even leaned further out with a grin on his face!

I got the "frillies" a few times, but I was not going to be swayed from my 1400 feet zip line experience.  Determination!  Plus after I walked up 7 flights of stairs I was too exhausted to walk back down them! So I asked the girl who was all up in my personal space as she was harnessing me up how deep  the river was that was under us... you know a Plan B...in case I fell.....  She said,  "Not too deep."

Great!  So much for plan B!  If I fall I will just die two horrible deaths.  Drowning and splattering!

Then she tells me that they had just gotten the rest of the dead bodies out of there so at least I didn't have to worry about running into anyone.

Silence.........
*blink blink*

What?!

She harnesses me up, and before I could think about it, I heard Ben say.  "Just don't look down." And I walked off the edge!  Have you ever walked off a edge?  Freedom and STUPID were the only two words I was thinking!

I was flying over the river.. in a somewhat uncomfortable harness still concerned about why there were dead bodies in the river to begin with when I saw Dennis down below me with the flash of a camera.  I wanted him to get a good shot, but all I could think of was..... if I spit, would it hit him?

 ......And then the wind turned me around making me fly backwards!

Me and Katie after we were done.

Okay, so what could be worst then flying... by a string... over body infested waters?

Flying backwards, by a string, over body infested waters and not being able to see if you were fixing to fly into the building you were hurdling towards!

At the other side when we change lines and go back to the landing dock... if you can call it that...I have to get my bearings.  They make me walk up more stairs and then after he hooks me up again tells me to walk off these steps that just lead to no where...  Like a plank on a pirates ship.   I was tired and needed to rest a second but Ben comes in behind me ready to plow me over and says... "You haven't gone yet!"  Cheeky boy!

All and all it was a fun experience.  Next time, I will have a Plan C though cause that whole body in the rivers conversation will haunt me.

No blogging

I am on a reading marathon right  now.  So my brain in mush....

Nutty Juice

 I am forming ideas left and right and none of them are going to take me places.... or at least places that I need to go.  My mind is working in over drive, probably compensating for my lazy physical self!  Today it rained all day so I planted my bohiney on the couch and watch some movies.  But I am still thinking about what to do with lots of areas in my life right now.  I might need to put the nutty juice down!

Get it in your head

You will miss out on so many great people that could be in your life if you start worrying about the color of their skin, their sexual orientation, or their spiritual beliefs.  ~Raven Carter

Is there a Monster on my head?

My hair is up in a pony, and when I move my head, I feel it hit my scalp.  Mostly it doesn't bother me.... but every once in a while I completely stop and get still and then wonder... WTH?  Is there a monster on my head????

Ordinary Days

Oh issues!  How I love to have you in my life on a daily basis!  I never seem to get one issue under control when out comes another one. I often wonder if you came in the form of a tall, dark, handsome man if you would be so bothersome.  I highly doubt it would matter to my stress level, but if I am going to be continually inconvenienced at least it would give me something yummy to look at!  Sheese!  I am ready for some ordinary days.  But it's been 8 months since I have seen ordinary, and I think I might have forgotten what it looks like.

When A Weasle makes a great pet.

NEVER!  Who wants a pet weasel?  There is something wrong with people that want that as a pet.

Dennis:  I better eat that piece of pie left in the fridge.
Me:  You better?
Dennis:  Yeah it's bothering me.  It's all lone in there.
Me: lol
Dennis:  Plus it's taking up too much room.

April

Weather is turning funky... It's April.  I don't care if it wants to storm like crazy but only after 6 and on weekends please!  The thought of having so any people in my care during bad weather frightens me.  So if your listening Mother Nature.... Let's get the times down.

Every man in my house is asleep!  It's time for me to vacuum!! lol

I'm not looking forward to dying.  I mean, it's so final! ~Raven Carter

Favorite time of the day. It just doesn't last long enough!

I have CRS syndrome

When I get an idea for a blog I run to the computer like I have diarrhea! My husband laughs at me but literally if I don't write this shit down ( no pun intended) I forget it within minutes!  I need to research azltimers and see if I have it.


I had four ideas... and before I wrote down the 3rd I forgot the 4th.  I started trying to remember the 4th and then I forgot the 3rd!  So I am batting 50%.  I think that is a sign.

Eye Opener....

You never really know someone until you become friends with them on facebook.  Then you can see the real person!  Scary as hell!

I Don't Do Math

I think I was too lazy for my calling.  I love to write!  I love poetry, and books!  My imagination is endless! I love all the places you can go when you step into a book and just read your afternoon away!  I spend so much less on gas this way and my wardrobe consists of sweat pants and t-shirts.  


I love intrigue and suspense and finally admitting to yourself that you really love that person despite the fact they are blind, or a mere peasant!  I love how you think you know.... but in chapter 7 you found you didn't know.  I want to belong in the world of writing and I want to do it all the time!  It is an extremely 'put-off on the back burner' sort of hobby with me, especially today with how busy my life is! 


I would like to go to a far away place, in a cozy wooded area, and be left to my own devices... (and food, treats, bath stuff, my comfy robe, and phone) to just write away.  No interruptions, no problems.  No sassy people in my life trying to suck me dry!  (you know who you are).  My only problem with this is......I just hate English! 


Noun, pronouns, verbs, adjectives!  Spelling, Punctuation, GRAMMER!!!! UGH!  Just let me write! 


Had I studied in school, or even went to class for that matter, I might have found a love for it and studied harder.  But I hated school.  I regret that now.  I wish I could just go and take classes at a college that would benefit me in what my interests are now.  You know like hair stylist do!  But no.  Sadly that is not the case.  I would have to also do math.  I don't do math! 


One day I might just publish one of these FOUR books I have written so far, and I will tuck it neatly away on one of my many shelves of books.  But until then, I will keep my sweat pants handy and my kindle fully loaded and charged!


*footnote -Dennis can come cause he is quiet and he fixes things that break

Three simple words made easier

I tell my husband I love him everyday... Like most people I suppose do.  Tonight, I get in bed and we joke around for a bit and as things settle I tell him that I love him, to which he replies... Mm-hmmm. ??????

I slap at him and confess that it bothers me when he does that.  I confront him, infact, and tell him he has done that a lot lately.  He said,  mm-hmmm is just so much easier to say! Wth?  Then he started telling me he loved me over and over, reminding me of Sheldon from Big Bang theory knocking on penny's door.   Now it's just annoying!

My sweet husband almost got his ears boxed

Dennis is making benches for the cellar.  He and I were discussing the size of the top of the bench.


Raven:  Well you gotta make it big enough to be comfortable to sit on.

Dennis:  This ain't the ritz! 


Raven: Yes, but it has to be bigger then a 4 inch bench! 


Dennis: Well how big does it have to be?? 


He then pulls the tape measure out and starts trying to measure my butt!  I quickly moved away from him laughing


Dennis:  I will have to go get more wood!

Our Human Race

I'm not saying I have intelligent things to say.  I'm not even saying I spelled intelligent right.  I am just saying that I have something of value to comment on.  I watched "12 years of Slaves" and it was so sad.  I am just not sure I could have lived in that time era.  I would have beat some white people down.  How did they ever believe that that was morally right or even ethical? I mean, besides the color of the skin, why do white people think they are better then any other race?  I am stunned by the ignorance of some of the people that movie portrayed last night.  You may say.."it was only a movie" To which I say, "Yes and Thank God"...  Because the realization of what really went on was even more barbaric!  It was worst, or at the very least in the same category as Hitlers BS.  I just really don't understand the stupidity of some of our human race.

And for the record... I am WHITE!  smh

What year is this?

I haven't really been writing on my blog in a while.  The last blog was in August 2013... WOW!  Six months is a long time with bottled up emotions!  I have probably lost my audience.  All three of you!  Well that saddens me.  If you reading this for the first time, go to my archives and get to know me.  I am not quite right in the head, and the sooner you realize that, they less you will expect from me as you read my blog. They ARE my thoughts and my ideas... opinions, all a rather scary past time for you to partake in.

Last August it was just fixing to get crazy for me.  I can remember thinking I couldn't wait until I got through all the beginnings of building the business. The painting, the ordering, the deocroating, classroom set up, sewing, the schooling and the paper work! Glad that is over!  It was rough!

Right when I was set to buy all my equipment, the government shut down.  My loan was sitting on someones desk without being signed or approved, and I was told by the banker to go ahead and use my credit card to buy my stuff.  So I did.  All THREE of them!  Can you say maxed out???   Then then the bills came in, he said the type of loan I got wouldn't pay that off because it was already a debt! WTH??  So my husband had to leave the bank before he hurt someone.  It was a BAD DEAL!!!  And my stress level was on high alert!  However, my husband.... my forever knight in shinning armor took care of it.  He just paid it all off.  He said screw the bank!

We worked really hard! Hours of painting, hours of getting forms ready, decorating, organizing,  and enrolling kids.   Now I am on the other side and seemed to make it unscathed.

Somewhat!

Now, I am in the process of going for my 3 star and I just started the food program.  No rest for the wicked! I have a full enrollment and a waiting list in 4 classrooms.  Not bad for being open for 4 months.... however, it seems like we have been open years longer.  Perhaps that has something to do with the amount of hours that I was working.  I worked 12.5 hour days for about 6 weeks.  Then I moved to a regular 10 hour day. Now, for the past month, I have been working a square 8 hour day.  That is an improvement! Maybe soon I will be able to work a 6 hour day!  Looking forward to that!  I am missing eating dinner with my family.

Now, I am just waiting for spring so I can sit on my back patio and finish writing my 3rd romance novel.