Dennis-ISM

I’m trying to diet …. Story of my adult life anyway….. this is how it went 

Me: those crunch bars are talking to me right now, but I’m losing weight for my next husband.

Dennis: what?!?!

Me: Yeah. My next husband doesn’t like fat girls, so I gotta loose this weight!

Some silence occurs before he speaks again

Dennis: Well?  When’s he coming to get you?!?

🤭sigh

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First thing this morning I get up to go find Dennis…. He’s in the laundry room and answers all my questions with curt answers.  

Raven: so, you not talking today?

Dennis: you know I don’t have a large vocabulary!

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Dennis sneezed Me: bless you. 

Dennis: I’m already blessed… I have you. 

 Aweee…… ❤️❤️❤️😳🤔🤮😂🤣😂

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I was peacefully writing in my hut when Dennis burst in holding a tissue with a tiny squashed bug.

Dennis: Look what I found on the kitchen floor.

Furrowing my brow....

Raven: What is it? An ant?

Dennis: No! It's a Cyclops!

Raven: A What?!

Dennis: It's a Cyclops!

As he showed me the tiny insect, squished on the tissue, I stared at him.

Raven: Dennis, it's just an ant.

Dennis: I'm getting the bug spray.

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I am married to a Little Debbie Junkie

Watching Dennis pull his hand out of a Little Debbie Swirl Box.....


Me:  OMGOSH Dennis!  Do you have enough?

Dennis:  What?!  This is all that would fit in my hand!

Me:  Are you going to eat all of those?

Dennis: For now... Doesn't mean I ain't coming back for more though!

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Our converstations.... what have we become?!?!

Dennis:  Here tastes this.

Raven:  NO!  It's ocean water!

Dennis:  It's tastes really salty!

Raven:  DUH!

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Dennis:  I ate something that upset my stomach.

Raven:    Are you okay?  You feel like you wanna throw up

Dennis:  No.  Just gassy.  I swear I could blow up an inner tube!

Raven:  TMI

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I had my sewing machine out doing some hemming...

Me:  Do you have anything you need me to sew up?

Dennis:  Just your mouth

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I asked Dennis if he knew about the baby drop boxes they put in at fire stations… 

Dennis: yeah… too bad they didnt have that back in 1995.  We could have dropped Matthew off.

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Today, like every day, Dennis asked me if there was something he could do for me. 

Me:  you could mail these for me.  I was going to yesterday but I didn’t have time.

Dennis: well give me your keys.  I hate going to the post office it’s like all the traffic…..

Me: I know!  You have said it 100 times!

Dennis: well I need to make sure you know I’m not happy about it

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Watching cops where a woman got arrested, and her husband said he'd try to find money to bail her out, piqued my curiosity to ask Dennis... Would you bail me out of jail?

Dennis: Why did you get arrested?

Me: 😒 Does it matter?!

Dennis: well yeah!  If you got arrested for soliciting prostitution, probably not! 😳😁 

LOL, this man's got jokes!

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After I got the lasagna out of the oven and shut the door, Dennis walked over and opened the over door.  

Me:  I didn’t leave it open cause the dogs (two Chihuahuas) where sniffing around the oven 

Dennis : well if they jump up in there we’ll have us some Taco Bell for supper!

Sick man!

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Dennis left to go out with some buddies and forgot his phone… so he called me from his friend‘s phone and told me they were going to the casino after they ate.

Dennis: (teasing me) don’t wait up!   (It was 5 in the evening…the man goes to bed at 8!) 

Me: yeah… well you just be sure to call me befor you head this way.

Dennis: why? 

Me: So I can send my boyfriend home… duh! 😜

Later… phone rings

Dennis:  we’re on our way home. 

Me:  Well shit!  We ain’t done yet!

Dennis: Hell… I would have been done an hour ago!!

Raven:  And that’s why I got a boyfriend!

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Dennis made cinnamon rolls for breakfast while I was still in bed.  Once they were done he came in the bedroom and kept saying:  

Dennis:  Come on….Get up….Come on.

Me: I am…. Stop talking to me like I’m a dog! 🤣

Dennis: I’m not!  😘 I’m talking to you like my beautiful wife!

Good save Dennis!

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I am not sure if I can handle Dennis when he retires. He is already doing stupid shit and this is just day 3 of his vacation.

Dennis: Come here raven! There is a lot of water coming out of your bathroom!

Me: OMG! Like through the roof? (It has rained for the past 40 days!!!)

Dennis: I don't know!

Me: Why do I have to come look? What am I suppose to do?

Dennis: I don't know come look!

So I stop what I am doing and follow him into the bathroom where he has several water bottles lined up and coming out of the bathroom.

*Sigh* This is going to be a long ass 6 - 8 weeks!

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 In the truck with Dennis I get bored and talk about stupid stuff. (bless his heart)

Me: I hope I die first.

Dennis: Why?

Me: Cause if I die last I will be living alone and no one will know when I die. I could be dead for days before someone found me.

Dennis: nah! Matthew would find you. He'd need money.

Matthew Carter

added later when I told him of this conversation: See! Look at the positives!

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Dennis and I went to the daycare today to put together a climber for the toddler classroom.  We had to wait until they were done laying the carpet and we had to cut off the doors so they would shut.  I start to get into my car and Dennis motions to his truck

Dennis: No we can go together.

Me: But what if I a ready to leave and you aren't.  What if you are ready to go and I'm not!   

Dennis: Then we do what I want to do.

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As we got into bed this evening, Dennis and I were reflecting on the day and trying to 'out do' one another with what we did for each other today.

After I told him what I did for him,  He was telling me everything he did for me today and at the end his voice went funny and crackly and I laughed and made fun of his voice.

Me, while mimicking his voice:  Why you sound like that at the end of the sentence?

He laughed and said:  Cause I was running out of breath and I wasn't done bitching yet!!

Story of my life... He doesn't stop bitching even while gasping for air!♡

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At The beginning of the year we got a new king size bed. For the most part we really enjoyed it but on occasion, while I am sleeping, I apparently feel around for him in the middle of the night. Used to, in our queen size bed my whole body stay right next to his.... of course he'd be hanging on the side of the bed every morning and complain about that! But I knew he was. This morning he lodge a new complaint...

Dennis: Hey you need to quit hitting me in the face.

Raven: What do you mean hit you in the face? 

Dennis: You hit me in my face every night! 

Raven: I do not hit you in your face!  Why would I hit you in your face?

Dennis: I don’t know but I need to stop! You’re waking me up and it's pissing me off!

        Oh big whoop!  I'm scared... NOT

Raven: I’m just looking for you because this bed is so big!  Stop being a baby!  Obviously I'm doing this in my sleep!  Why would I hit you in the face on purpose?!?

        He just grunted at me. So I reminded him.

Raven: You should enjoy me hitting you in the face!!  One day I won’t be here to do that.

Dennis;  Oh yeah where are you going to be?

Raven: I’ll be dead!

Dennis:  Oh good!  Then I will finally get a good night sleep!  But... for now... stop it!!!

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Dennis:  I ate too much!

Me: What did you eat?

Dennis: I ate an entire pizza...

Me: The whole thing?

Dennis: Yeah and 10 cookies.

*** 20 minutes later... Dennis is in the cookie jar again where he eats more cookies.***

Me: Didn't you just say you ate too much?

Dennis: Yeah.

Me: Then why did you just eat more cookies?

Dennis: Cause I have a problem.... okay!?

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Dennis and I have not been feeling well off and on all week. One day I’m trying to take care of him and the next day he is taking care of me... this was our conversation today...

Me: My eyes are burning!

Dennis: MY eyes have been burning today too!
Then after a ‘pregnant pause’ he added: I think someone is trying to kills us!

And I’m the thespian???!!

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Dennis:  I better eat that piece of pie left in the fridge.
Me:  You better?
Dennis:  Yeah it's bothering me.  It's all lone in there.
Me: lol
Dennis:  Plus it's taking up too much room.

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Dennis is making benches for the cellar.  He and I were discussing the size of the top of the bench.

Raven:  Well you gotta make it big enough to be comfortable to sit on.

Dennis:  This ain't the ritz! 

Raven: Yes, but it has to be bigger then a 4 inch bench! 

Dennis: Well how big does it have to be?? 

He then pulls the tape measure out and starts trying to measure my butt!  I quickly moved away from him laughing

Dennis:  I will have to go get more wood!

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Dennis and I where driving through .... what I called "the ghetto", and  he called the "Scenic" parts of OKC today when I spied a Strip bar. 

Me:  Those places are gross! 

Dennis: Why?
Me:  I mean the whole atmosphere around that stuff is gross.

Dennis:  No they aren't!

Me:  Yes.... they are!
Dennis:  Not all of them.

Me:  Well I am not talking about the way they look... I am talking about the nasty girls and the perverted guys!  The whole thing is a big turn off. 

Dennis: hmmmm

Dennis:  Í don't think it is gross... maybe the perverts that sit up close are gross.

Me:  Well what would you think of  a place where men stripped all their clothes off?

Dennis:  I know I wouldn't' be going there.. that is gross!

Me:  What would you think of me if I went there.

Dennis:  (outlining his body with his hands, while driving... I might add) Why would you go there when you got ALL OF THIS at home!

* I laughed for 4 blocks!

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Eating at the Outback (Which was FULL)

Dennis:  I never have had to wait this long before.

Me:  They're busy....  It's not a big deal.

Dennis:  Yeah I know, cause I am with the girl I love. 

Me:  GAG!

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Watching Dennis pull his hand out of a Little Debbie Swirl Box.....


Me:  OMGOSH Dennis!  Do you have enough?

Dennis:  What?!  This is all that would fit in my hand!

Me:  Are you going to eat all of those?

Dennis: For now... Doesn't mean I ain't coming back for more though!