I am a turtle.... on steroids

Ahhhhh my last day of steroids.... Happy dance...

Outside, my shell is sleepy and slow.  It wants to rest in a quiet place and cuddle with soft blankets and sleep with the distant humming of a fan set on high.

Inside, my body is full of bursting energy!  I have thoughts that string from one topic to another in a way that it couldn't possibly make sense to a normal person.  For instance,

"Where is my little green ipod, I haven't seen that in a while. It has crappy songs on it anyway.. . Oh I have brownies I bought them yesterday!  So excited to eat one later....  where is my book, I have to get that for my work out, but I will have to find my shoes.   I forgot to use my coupon.  Maybe I can go get some new pants..." 

This is how my brain flows.... EVERYDAY... and this is the stuff that I hear at 4 a.m while I am trying to go to sleep!! 

Yep... so glad this was my last day of steroids!..... Happy dance!

Believe it or Not....

So I write... I know you can't tell by my babbling on here, but there.. I said it.. I write. 
To prove it, I will share the poem I have published.

Sprinkles of Gray

Sprinkles of gray that cover over me,

won't lay to rest the black of darkness

won't come to pass.

Dark circkles in my mind,

the light that flashes bright,

Can't hid the fog of disaster...

in the words that love might.

Phases of laughter that's loud and painful

sees the gray on my soul

touches me gently

turning it to gold.

Moist tears that fall from my eyes

to be replace by happy times

and gray filled days shall come to pass

with no bitter lies.

Copywrite © 2001 An Eternity of Bliss
The international Library of Poetry

At any rate, I have a romance book written and ready. (I actually have several) My problem is how to get it to a publisher.  It is 363 pages and has over 80,000 words.  I had a publisher tell me she was interested in it and told me some changes to make... she told me to take it seriously and take my time with it even if that took months... so about 3 months later after I made all the changes - that made it more juicy -  I took it back to her, but she had left the agency and I can't find her.  So I know SOMEONE was interested in it.  So that leaves me with.... TOO MUCH RED TAPE...Which is why I have thought to just print it myself.  Seeing it in print might just be exciting enough... however, I might pound the pavement for a bit..

Introducing

"Love by Choice"

     ~  Sometimes love is not a choice.  In fact, it oftentimes is messy, complicated, and very inconvenient or even, unexpected.  Lord John Sallanger never thought he would meet the girl of his dreams laughing in the middle of a mud puddle during one of the most prominent balls in Southampton. 

     Struggling with a tumultuous past relationship and his responsibilities to his family business, Lord Sallanger is a hardworking, self-made man. He has never had any trouble with finding escorts for himself, but when Aubrey Harrison, an independent farm girl from Wyoming, drops into the world of Southampton high society, Lord Sallanger can’t seem to take his eyes off of the American beauty.  He is enamored and intrigued by her, for she is unique in looks, attitude, and spirit than the snobbish women he has been surrounded with for his lifetime—and she is completely off limits, making her all the more desirable to him.

    Even though Aubrey will only be there for one season, a friendship that is created out of guilt draws them into a romance that even an ocean between them can’t destroy.  Jealousy, deceitfulness, and unknown family secrets meant to destroy them only knit them closer together, changing them both in the process.  In the end, they must make a choice to accept fate or create their own… and along the way, the advice of a few drunken friends never hurts! ~

Just wanted to put that out there.

Look Ma! No Hands!!!!!

In the words of Kris Keller, "Well..., well..., well!" 

I think my life might unfold a little more neatly now.  I was worried there for a minute! Long story short... I will not be opening a center (as of now anyway).  I got hired on at Yukon High School as the counselor's secretary and I am ESTACITIC about it.  I feel like the kid that wants everyone to see what I can do!!!

Before we moved here, I researched the schools in the area and it didn't take me long to realize where I wanted my son to go to school.  I started subbing so I could somewhat have the same schedule as Matthew.  I know he is older, but that is when the supervision SHOULD NOT STOP! lol I have always been very hands on with my kids, (Duh... daycare...) and I wasn't going to stop now. 

We had first talked about me not working at all until he graduated.  But I tried that.... I CAN NOT not work!  I have discovered that apparently I get very depressed and need to keep busy and feed my mind and my body lots of busy thoughts and energy, or I get into trouble! 

So now, I am blessed to get to work at the High School where my son will be at every day....with really great people that I worked with all last year and with a bunch of kids!!!  I love kids!!!!  Plus.... wait for it.... I get summers off, a spring break... Christmas break... weekends... and days in between!  My kind of job!!  Oh and I will be home by 4 every day!  WOOT WOOT!

Rainy Days and Mondays.... Hits home doesn't it?

"Talking to myself and feeling old.... Sometimes I'd like to quit, nothing ever seems to fit.  Hanging around nothing to do but frown... Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.

What I got they use to call the blues; nothing is really wrong, feeling like I don't belong. Walking around some kind of lonely cloud... Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.

What I feel as come and gone before, no need to talk it out, we know what it's all about.  Hanging around nothing to do but frown, rainy days and Monday always get me down."

This song pretty much described my well being over the last couple of months.  I think it is important that we all realize we all go through times of stress, depression, and feeling unsure about ourselves, our choices, and our future. 

But with facebook we also feel inadequate about ourselves in the face of others that seem to have their lives so well put together.  Truth is, none of us do.  We post pictures of a moment in one of our days, but it is not our life.  We can't judge our lives and our purpose of life on someone’s picture snapped in a moment.  

Someone might need a friend or a shoulder to lean on and know that they are not alone in how they feel, and that it is okay to let their guard down and allow themselves that time of healing without feeling inadequate or that they don't measure up! 

Remember to count your blessing... recounts are okay, and always keep it real.

Mid Life Crisis

Well... is this it?  Is this a mid life crisis?  I'm not digging it if it is.   I have been a little stressed about what it is I am suppose to be doing with my life now that my kids are grown up.  Empty nest or not... my life has forever changed. 

My career choice, even with doing daycare has been to be a mom.  However, with the move of my family and the location of my daycare, it was nesseccary to sell my business. 

Now I sit with a problem of what to do with my days while everyone else is working.  It is an adjustment to say the least to have nothing to do, and my A.D.D personality will have none of it.  I miss the daycare.  I miss the kids and the business of it.  I miss the stress if you can believe that and I miss being needed.

I have had advice on this matter from friends and I realize it isn't just me going through this sucky stage... it is all people who are facing adult children moving away from home.   Doesn't make it any easier.