Saying good-bye

June passed away today.  It's incredibly sad to lose a monarchs of the family, even if you rarely see them.  Something about knowing they are here is often enough. Especially for Dennis who is as low income as they come.  I remember the first time I met her.  She came out to my car on 16th street to talk to me.  She was cleaning out Dennis's refrigerator.  She was sweet and nice to me from that day on.  She accepted me and my children into her family.  I think she knew I was good for Dennis and that I loved him.  Mom's really need to know that.  I am sad that she was in a place where she was unable to really get to spend time with more of her grandchildren.  

There will be no funeral as of now.  I think we will do a memorial once covid is under control.  She will be laid to rest next to Jimmy, so we will have to travel to Guymon.  

Poor Dennis has been a little lost.  It's been hard to watch, but I didn't want to leave him home alone.  He is a practical person, like me.  He understands and accepts how life works.  He thinks crying makes him look weak.  It makes him look realistic to me.  He is mainly watching TV, not doing his usual tinkering around fixing this or cleaning that.  He says he is too busy but I have watched this man for 27 years always find things to keep him busy on purpose. I have to admit I don't like him laying around a lot, it doesn't feel right to me.

We both went back to work today and I missed him.   Hopefully time will help him.  You never get over the loss of a parent, but time is definitely needed.

So Ready!

We are getting things started for the pool today!  I'm so excited to see it laid out!  Ready! Ready! and SO READY!  Expect I don't want them to tear up my yard!  For some reason that thought makes me sad.  It's just grass... but still, we have made memories playing and running and hunting eggs.  I know we will continue to make memories, even better ones... I'm so ready!!!

Too Many Balls!

So, I have decided I must have been a Jester in a past life. 

Goofy shoes, goofy hat.... Seriously, it's the only thing that explains my crazy ass!  This would explain my clumsy feet, weird nature and the constant need  to make a fool of myself.  None of this, however, explains why I trip in the exact same spot every day in the hall way going to my office.

However, I thought a jester knew how to juggle shit without missing a beat.  They throw balls, plates or hatchets on fire or whatever it is they juggle up into the air and then catch them again with a smile on their face!   No effort! 

At any rate, here I am, a clown like creature with a funky hat on and shoes twice the size on my feet, juggling problems, ideas, issues, relationships, projects, staff, work, covid, who is REALLY the next President of the USA... the list is endless these days, and none of it comes back down!  Where they hell did they go?  Are they just staying up there mocking me while I am waiting for them all to crash to the ground.  

They want to screw my day up!

I'm so tired of juggling.  No matter how well I get at juggling, someone ads ONE MORE problem!  

I am stressed to the max with a smile on my face.  It's my own fault.  I am an over achiever and a dreamer.  And unapologetic about neither.  Add a pinch of vanity and you have a jester juggling life I suppose.  

The real fear is, one of the things I am juggling is going to knock into another one  mid air, and before you know it, it will be raining mayhem for days.   

YOLO- So, Achieve Some of your Dreams!

Last Christmas I remembering laying in bed thinking how nice it would be to have a Christmas tree in my bedroom. Soft lights and pretty decorations... relaxing!  We spend time in our room and it’s nice not having to give up time with a tree when you have only a few weeks to enjoy it.  

This year I made it happen.  Now that’s not a big feet, as 6” Christmas trees are not overly expensive.  But the point is, I achieved that small goal because i planned for it and made concessions for it. 

It’s how everything should be.  Big or small.  If you want something...especially something within your power with little to no effort,  make it happen! This will give you practice for the bigger things!