Don't do that

 Recent events has caused me to travel down memory lane.  This is how I remember it.

I had a great boyfriend in high school for 4 years.  I thought all guys were nice like he was.  Never called me names.  Never hit me.  Never cheated on me.  Always brought me little things like gum or a coke.  Came to see me at work.  Planned time together....  That is not the case with most men.  

I married at 20 to a guy I thought was pretty awesome, until he wasn't.  

Was I perfect?  NO!  

First off I was spoiled.  I was use to the world revolving around me and my needs.  At 20, most people are still living that fairy tail. I am basing so many things on my 4 year relationship in high school, on my own parents marriage... never mind that by the time I was married they had been married for 35+ years.  They had worked out the kinks!

At any rate, I was 20 and he was 21.  He was worthless.  He didn't want a job and when he found one he didn't want to keep it.  He like to smoke weed and hang out with his friends.  He never wanted to come home and when I got pregnant he didn't want to be a dad. Flat out.

He has 4 kids that I know of and wasn't a father to any of them until the last kid and I am not sure he is much of a father to him.  Who knows.  

Now, I'm wondering how that could possibly by my fault if he has a pattern of such behavior.

He has been trying to talk to our now adult son and doesn't want to open the conversation with,  "I know I did you wrong.. but instead he wants to make it look like I didn't allow him.  Good try old buddy!  I lived that life and I know better.  If he had a relationship with all the others then  that might be believable.  Don't waste what time you could have left by lying . 

I have loved that boy since the moment I found out I was going to have him. And he knows that.  If you think for one minute I would do anything that made him sad you need  a new conversational piece.