Feeling Some Sort Of Way

I have tried to write this blog for a few days now.  Sometimes... you just can’t put your feelings into words no matter how you try.  I am trying to be very careful not to mix actual events with actual feelings.  The event that brought about these feelings is not important, but rather the way it made me feel is.  Truth is, this isn't the first time someone has made me feel this way and sadly it probably won't be the last.  People are not perfect.

I am not perfect.

I am sad to realize some people live double lives.  That no matter what you think you know about someone... you don't always know.  It's not like the quiet at home persona most of us are... or the at home personality you have that only your spouse or your kids see... it's a completely different life... like 'you have a whole other family in Wisconsin' life!   It is a secret that you live with and hide from people, so they don't know the real you, or the things you do when no one is watching you..... The things you hide in the very back drawer so no one knows you have them.

Me?  I am an open book.  I am blunt, even tacky.  My best friend says I have no filter.  She is right.  I don't menace words.  Of course there are things I don't like about  this personality trait of mine:  I don't have empathy for idiots or people that make the same choices and expect different results. 

But that does not make me heartless.

It makes me a realist! 

I don't do fake, and let me tell you... I recognize fake when I see it.  I do not use people, although I do believe that you can outgrow and move in a different direction from some people.  And I believe you have people passing through your life all the time... but that does not mean they are meant to stay in your life.

But the person that lives a double life is who I feel sorry for.  I would imagine it would be hard and exhausting to keep up that charade.  That is just wasting Energy that could be used to better yourself.  And the frustration that is left in the wake of these people is unfathomable. 

And sometimes you have to know when to cut your losses.

So, I can't be focusing my energy on this anymore.  I am too busy and I have so many great things going on in my life. I have to cut ties and move forward and not feel an ounce of regret for the people that come in and out of my life.  Because somehow they have taught me something I needed to know. 

Words that last...

You even have a moment where you know THAT moment is going to live on for ever?  That you will be able to recall exactly what you were talking about and where you were sitting and doing while you had a conversation?  The conversation itself was insignificant.  But the one line used will be a catch phrase I will use for a long time. 

We have several from my childhood. 

"Anyone want to go to the library?"  When My dad would decide to take a bath.....
"The bus is too big."  When the neighborhood boys wanted the girls to leave them along.
"Don't drop it in the beans"  When I wanted to see the picture everyone at the dinner table was looking at.  I was 6 or 7....

More recently, "Why you gotta be a bitch?"  Me cussing at Katie's desk when we were putting together in her new office at midnight.

Today I was talking on the phone to a friend of mine and laughed so hard I literally spit my drink all over my desk when she said. "I don't even have my teeth yet!" I can't even remember what we were talking about, totally insignificant.....

HOT AS HELL

Oh My Gosh!  Where is Fall?  I realize it is technically fall, but I'm so tired of the heat!  I feel like I need a turban on my head as I walk just the two car lengths from my parking spot to the front door. And my makeup disappears by the time I get to the door... well disappears is a strong word.. it's still there it's just in a puddle around my knee caps.

Tapping Out

Today I woke up to a wake up call.   Not that I had an alarm set or anything that rang or told me to get up.  Just that I realized I don't need to be worried about things I have no control over.  Truth is, I'm not about it.  It takes effort to play this tired game and I'm tapping out.  I am moving on and getting things done.  Staying positive and letting the Universe handle the rest.  I'm good with that.  

I have a bully in my life.  How did this happen?  Lord have mercy on this poor pathetic person.  She gonna need it!  lol  Hmmmmm. wonder how things will work out for her?  My guess.... probably not well.  Your move... Let's go.